Empty Promises ( Tanka)

by Ingrid   Apr 29, 2009


"Empty Promises" -- tanka

nightingale sings
to a melancholy moon
whilst my heart withers...
roses snatched from trembling hands
...along with our "forever"

* With thanks to my friend Kiko for his input:)

Tanka
Tanka is a classic form of Japanese poetry related to the haiku with five unrhymed lines of five, seven, five, seven, and seven syllables. (5, 7, 5, 7, 7)
Here I have made a variation with less than 31 syllables, which is allowed too. ( See Shadow poetry.com for an extensive explanation on this)

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Roses snatched from trembling hands
    ...along with our "forever"

    I like this part very much. I can picture a tree
    branch shaking as a flower is plucked &
    forever is forever taken away..excellent
    write!

  • 14 years ago

    by anand singh

    Very deep indedd and beutifully penned.
    An enjoyable read.
    Paul...

  • 14 years ago

    by John Long

    I noticed you returned to the empty concept of "forever". Very deep thoughts in so few words.

  • 14 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Tsk Tsk... another form.. what did I tell you? hhahaa, just teasing. But really, expand your writing and try new things not just forms. A well written Tanka however, syllable count spot on, not much more I can say really

    5/5 Temps (Beyond a Poets Mind)

  • 14 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Excellent tanka Ingrid, such emotion and meaning was portrayed, I loved the wording you used, it held the reader's attention. A breathtaking write, that was so deep and toke the reader into what you were saying and feeling. 5/5 from me!

    Keep writing, always and forever.....

    God Bless You!

    ~MaryAnne

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