Takes over me
by ToxicSpookyAngel May 12, 2009
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The darkness takes over me once again. Stronger then before the demons take over my spirt my soul. I'm on my knees begging screaming no one seems to see hear or care. Life flashing before me. As I'm seeking death in my face is the pain I endured the suffering brought on by people I was supposed to trust. I see everything. That's when the demons takes over me... I know it sucks but thanks for reading. |
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14 years ago
by Chicken Soup
Why not start living your dreams instead of dreaming them?
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14 years ago
Alright this was good, the feeling of being captured took over the reader but I think you could have elaborated more. By adding and going into more detail you will find out that it makes a big difference. This is a good start, I have faith in you that it can turn into something greater.
My last suggestion is to go through what you have so far and add comma's where needed. Sometimes you skipped the natural pauses and reading it felt forced.
God bless you and Merry Christmas!
~MaryAnne -
14 years ago
I liked it I wish you would of kept on going!
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14 years agoby PoetryKnight
Suoer awsome poem. i just put one up yesterday like this. it is a chilling thing, spirits and demons. but my father was a satanist and mother was a witch, so i have a bit a background with it. well, loved the poem. 5/5
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14 years ago
by SADADDY
The pain can be felt in these word you have expressed in this write...may your heart once agin find peace.
sadaddy
