Misplaced Memory

I don't want to be the one who runs away
From everything that could make her happy.
But I don't want to remember what it feels like
When you hold me in your arms, either,
Because now that seems a cold misplaced memory
That could haunt me if I'd let it.

I don't want to be the one who smiles through the pain
Because she doesn't want to take anyone's hand.
I want to be able to ask for help
Instead of letting my pride get in the way like it does.
I'm helpless to stop it, though I try as hard as I can.
Too late; the smile breaks through.

I don't want to be the one you call 'angel.'
I know I'm nowhere close to being perfect.
Some days I don't even want anything to do with you.
You claim to love me, but all the while you're wondering
If everything you've heard about me is true
And if what you get is what you see with me.

I don't want to explain myself to you.
I shouldn't have to, you should understand
That I'm unpredictable and will keep you on your toes
Without knowing or caring why I do what I do.
I don't want to hear you question every little quirk I have
Or try to analyze me - I don't see a psychology degree in your hand.

I don't want to be the one who runs away
From everything that could make her happy.
But I don't want to remember how it feels to be in love either.
Naked, exposed - everyone can see who I really am
When I'm in love. I'm not ready to share that part of me.
I probably won't be for a long time.

Copyright 2009 S. Sieglaff