I Remember...

by twisted reality   May 15, 2009


When you put on that tux and do up that tie,
And ruffle your hair to make it look sly,
I remember all of the reasons why
I fell in love with such a great guy.

It was you...
It was that one single touch that threw my head outta whack,
And gave me a feeling that I've always seemed to lack.
It was your laughter and optimism that always made me grin,
And think that a relationship with you could begin.
It was the comforting words coming from your sultry lips,
That kept me going when I desperately wanted to quit.
It was your soft, slow, passionate kiss,
That made me realize true love really exists.
It was you...

When I put on my dress and do up my heels,
And put up my hair to make it surreal,
I hope you remember how right this all feels,
And think that you and I must be unreal.

But most of all, I hope you remember how much we've gone through,
And know how much I really do love you.

--------------------------------------------------------
I know this might be a tad cliche, but it's supposed to be >.< It's dedicated to my boyfriend, Robbie, for his prom night. =]
Please comment, and I'll comment back.

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  • 14 years ago

    by Krathia

    Hm, I like this. Sweet and honest. In a way, it feels a little raw, but also nicely-honed with emotion. I like how you just wrote how you felt; a lot of us writers don't do that anymore, prefering memorizing the thesaurus and finding just that perfect word rather than just say it bluntly (not in a bad way) and being honest with ourselves.

    Two things I'd suggest:

    1. In the second stanza,
    "And think that a relationship with you could begin."
    I would just take out the [that] it doesn't serve much of a purpose; it feels like a filler word. Read it out loud without the word, and see how it feels to you.

    2. "It was the comforting words coming from your sultry lips,"
    I don't like the [sultry]. It's the wrong word to use here, where you're giving an image of confort and relief and just some peaceful love after a frustrating day. Sultry makes it sounds like you're writing erotica, or something of the sort.

    Everything else is very nice. Also, I'd rework the end, make a line break in the before-last line. Other than that, nice work. I'm sure your boyfriend will love it.

  • 14 years ago

    by Good Enough

    Different aspect on love poems to me.

    u make love sound so easy between u two and that great. i like how to first stanza rhymes and how to rhyming pattern changed in the second.

    the words u used makes total sense and its not tht cliche. good job :)

  • 14 years ago

    by Jess

    Nah its nice! i like this poem....flows nicely, and has a nice symmetric layout, with him at the beginning and u at the end, and both of u in the middle! i like the story told thru the rhyming verses x

  • 14 years ago

    by Belinda marie

    I really lik ur poem!!

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