This is my favorite by u! This is so good. ican closoe y eyes and visualize every single last word u wrote. It flfows so nicely even when u read it out loud. Wow. This is really good. 5/5

I look upon the fading sun the day has died the night has begun. As the stars become visible and the moon shines bright illuminating nature with its glowing silky light.

*I love the imagery. It's breathtaking. One thing I would change is the part about the moon. I'd say "The moom shines bright it illumintates nature with its glowing light" That just sounds better to me.*

While the moon holds its sway a moonlit owl swoops down for its evening prey. A swift execution a useless fight a catch of triumph in this eternal night.

*I like how this turned into a story. It makes me wonder what else will happen in this "eternal night". One thing that bothers me though is the style. I wouldn't have used paragrahps. It makes the flow seem rushed and your setences run together. I think line by line would be more appealing to the eye*

A midnight breeze gracefully dances through the trees bending the branches parting with there leaves. Falling to the ground softly not making a sound the moon moves past like a ship in the sky sailing through the clouds.

*This was my favorite part. You use such lovely words here. The picture you paint is very beautiful and clear.*

But the night is betrayed the moon starts to fade the sun begins to rise the horizon opens. The line between day and night the world is waking the day has begun dawn is breaking.

*I would change the first line to" But the night is betrayed as the moon starts to fade". I don't know what happened here. It's like you stopped here. This isn't as intense as it should be for the ending stanza. I feel like you are missing something. Your ideas seem unfinshed. Work on this hun. With a few changes you will have yourself a masterpiece. This really is one of the strongest pieces I've read from you. Keep it up. Nik*

I think the first verse is a beautiful way to open the poem the chioce of wording is very good.
There is a bit you could change to make the flow more smoothe however -

I gaze upon the fading sun
The day has died the night has begun.
As the stars burn forever
The moon shines bright
illuminating nature with its glowing light.
(Just one or to possibilites there you could use)

The second verse is very descriptive, you have given the poem more depth as it has started to pick up a meaning and a story within the words, the ending line was perfect. (Possible suggestions) -

The moon above holds its sway
As a watchfull owl swoops down on its prey.
A swift execution, a useless fight
A catch of triumph in this eternal night.

This third verse paints a more clear image in my mind of what you are trying to portray, your descriptions allow me to paint an image in my mind while I read on futher. (Possible suggestions) -

A midnight breeze gracefully
dances through trees, bending their branches which part with their leaves.
The moon sails past the ocean sky
sailing through darkness whilst clouds pass by.

The last verse is my fave it wraps up the poem nicely, befre anything more can happen the night comes to an end. Again I like the opening line here as because your chioce of wordig draws me in, your development throughout the piece is evident =] (possible suggestions) -

But the night is betrayed
The whining moon starts to fade
The day is now dawning, the world is waking
farewell to the night, forever waiting.

Overall I really enjoyed readng your poem it was descriptive and very well worded, the suggestions are merly that and you dont have to use them at all your work is very good as it is I just feel that perhas they would halp the overall flow of the poem. A very good poem =] Your stanzas flow into each other perfectly while the story plays out.

Wow. Like major wow. This is sooo amazing. I love it all and i can't pick a favourite stanza. 5/5. keep it up. :)

"I look upon the fading sun
the day has died the night has begun.
As the stars become visible
and the moon shines bright
illuminating nature with its glowing light."

A excellent beginning but I felt the flow was a little rocky here.

Second line: Delete both of the "the"s and it will read much smoother.

Fifth line: I think it would read better if you changed to this, "It illuminates nature...."
-------------------------------

"While the moon holds its sway
a moonlit owl swoops down for its evening prey.
A swift execution a useless fight
a catch of triumph in this eternal night."

Second line: Delete "evening" for a better flow.

Third and fourth line: Beautiful wording here, it creates such vivid imagery that pleases one.
--------------------------------

"A midnight breeze gracefully
dances through the trees bending the branches
parting with there leaves.
Falling to the ground softly not making a sound
the moon moves past like a ship in the sky
sailing through the clouds."

Second line: after "trees" press enter and have "bending the branches" be the third line and "parting with there leaves" the fourth line. That way it will read much better in my opinion.

"parting with there leaves" should be "parting with their leaves".

The next few lines I think would be better if changed to this:

"Falling to the ground softly
not once making a sound
the moon moves past
like a ship in the sky
sailing through the clouds."

You need to work on the flow a bit so one line doesn't have tons of wording and the next just a few words.
--------------------------

"But the night is betrayed
As the moon starts to fade
The day has come, the world is waking
farewell to the night, forever waiting. "

I adore the ending, the rhyme is stunning and the idea of "the night is betrayed" is breathtaking! You have a way with words, you just need to work on the form. Good write.

Take care and God Bless You!

~MaryAnne

This poem is amazing. I absolutely loved it! Thw hole thing definitely kept me reading. 100/5!

Already the title tells the reader that its gonna be a desriptive poem, and it it!! Its awesome. I like the flow, and the ending tied it all together... great write!

This is a very beautiful poem reflecting poetically natural wonders

I love this . . . the imagery is amazing.
good job.

This poem is fantastic.
it such a lovely piece to read. you have an excellent way with words. This poem really captured my attention from the beginning, it was full of passion and emotion and i truly enjoyed reading it.
well done
5/5

Absolutly loved it, from start to finish. My fave lines in the whole poem...

"the moon moves past like a ship in the sky
sailing through the clouds."
&
"The day has come, the world is waking
farewell to the night, forever waiting."

very well done, 5-5.

Peace & Love
IBE
X

'
I look upon the fading sun
the day has died the night has begun.'
`If I were you either.. put a semicolon between died and the OR make them separate lines. Like this...

I look upon the fading sun
the day has died; the night has begun.

OR

I look upon the fading sun,
the day has died,
the night has begun.

I think the semicolon would be better

'As stars become visible
and moon shines bright
illuminating nature with its glowing light.'
`So beautiful this is!

'A midnight breeze gracefully
dances through the trees
bending the branches parting with their leaves.
Falling to the ground softly not once making a sound
the moon moves past like a ship in the sky
sailing through the clouds.'
`This stanza was a bit long and could use some revising. Let me see if I can help you.

A midnight breeze gracefully
dances through the trees;
bending the branches,
parting their leaves.

Falling to the ground softly,
not one making a sound,
the moon moves past like a ship
in the sky, sailing amidst the clouds.

That may work better, two stanzas. I changed through to amidst.. that has equal meaning and will help shorten that last line for you

Well done with this write though, you have true talent. A great nature poem. Awesome imagery.

Great work.

But the night is betrayed
The whining moon starts to fade
The day is now dawning, the world is waking
farewell to the night, forever waiting.

Idk..i cant explain it. Its like a painting but in words. I love this part..."farewell to the night, forever waiting." I mean...i love the night life and when it goes away u never realize it will re-appear again.idk..i love this poem.

I love the imagery this portrays of the moon and it's living creatures that we never notice because we are all sound asleep. Such a wonderful portrayl of night. Good job, 5/5. Em

I liked it very much...it is so beautiful, it became my favorite.. I like every stanza because I could imagine and visualize the words you put in it.. :D good job :D