Comments : Hit Like A fist

  • 14 years ago

    by ibelievedhim

    Omg chris :(

  • 14 years ago

    by ibelievedhim

    The last stanza makes me want to cry

  • 14 years ago

    by ibelievedhim

    I love you <333

  • 13 years ago

    by Lori

    Okay, this is just right there. I really like the whole life hits like a fist. Because it does sometimes. I like the emotion that's put into this. I also love the word choice, stanza flow was well-structured. Great job :)

  • 12 years ago

    by momopixie18

    The last line comletes it, i liked it all,nice job :]

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenni

    I like the structure you chose. It's not the usual, got something unique :) Also your rhymes were nice just like the flow.

    It seems life has hit like a fist
    Again this knife seems so kind
    I just want to write on my wrist
    Because this ease is so hard to find

    ^ Great choice of words and the imagery is perfect aswell. I'm sure people can relate to life not being easy for them and searching for a way to either make it better or get rid of it. There are enough people who go that way and cut themselves, though i don't believe it's the way to go, but i think it's exactly how you feel in that situation.

    I'm on the edge of losing you
    And when you finally leave me
    I'll fall not knowing what to do
    But bleed all the tears in me
    I'm so sorry and I couldn't say it enough
    What I did cannot be forgiven I know
    And it makes life so much more rough

    ^ Now that the speaker told us the purpose for his current situation the reader is able to suffer with him. Losing someone is never easy, that is why people work hard on trying to prevent it, yet once it happens it's often too late. The best way to prevent this is never letting someone THAT close to you, but then you wouldn't experience its positives either. This stanza made me feel all the sadness and guilt the speaker is going through.

    I feel the darkness surround me
    And it pains me to know
    I can no longer see
    Your beautiful glow
    But the hurt and tears
    Can only go so deep
    Till all my fears
    Take me and keep
    All I could've been
    Alll I could've know
    All won't happen when
    Now all I feel is woe

    ^ Perfect timing for changing the amount of syllables in each verse, since that is the moment when the head fills with a lot of different thoughts and confusion. You listed the most important things up, which i really liked. This is so touching since it has a depth in it that you will only know if you've once went through this yourself.

    It's a dreadful end
    I know it's true
    My heart will bend
    But only for you...

    ^ I really liked this ending. Even though the speaker is going through lots of pain because of this person, he is still willing to do something for them. All in all i loved this Chris! :) Great as usual :P Keeeeep it up :) and sorry for this long comment x)

  • 12 years ago

    by Liliana

    OMG this is so intense

    It's a dreadful end
    I know it's true
    My heart will bend
    But only for you...

    this is the best one <3

  • 11 years ago

    by Silent Girl

    Really amazing poem :) (:

  • 11 years ago

    by East Poetry

    It's a dreadful end
    I know it's true
    My heart will bend
    But only for you...

    that was my favorite part, I love it when the ending of a poem is my favorite part, it just justifies and completes the whole thing!
    excellent write!