Comments : Fruition.

  • 8 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "My thoughts are overripe apples,
    falling down from a tree of
    Impracticality,
    begging me to let them be:
    a root of Possibility."
    `Right away youve really pulled the reader in, what a awesome start, I have never thought of feelings as overripe apples.. what a unique way of expressing your emotions and feelings here.. I love your metaphor.

    "They set themselves atop the grass,
    and while basking in decision,"
    `This metaphor is really amazing.. truly.. wow. 'Basking in decision' caught my eye.. normally one would use basking to describe something that is basking in the heat or sun, but with your metaphor here of these apples [your feelings], you use basking in decision, and thats really original.. I love it so much, I think youre doing an awesome job with this.

    "I dawdle from their path
    with frantic competition
    between my two
    left feet."
    `Dawdle - not a word you normally hear, nice to see it here, great word choice Nova.

    "Uncertain
    as I may be, a wealth
    of courage blooms inside of
    me,"
    `Your word choice is flawless. You are uncertain but theres this large amount of courage that bulids up inside of you.. you could have put this idea into such a cliche phrase but you took it up a notch and really made it your own.

    "Allow me
    to evaporate and swell
    into the skies, whose mouth
    opens wide at my swift replies;
    Climbing the tree of mysteries with
    nothing but a fistful of apple seeds."
    `Powerful ending.. you hit this one on the dot. I'm really impressed.. this piece is a winner and should receive a nomination.. its the most original piece Ive read in a long time.

    5/5. Temps

  • 8 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    Creative and clever. Excellent use of metaphors! Articulate word choice. A very fine job! Well worth the read and a nomination!

  • 8 years ago

    by Dark Savior

    It's been a while since I last read a poem by you. I must say that it didn't disappoint at all. I think that this poem is one of your best.

    I really felt that your vocabulary was shown here and shows that you spend time not just sitting around and talking to people, but honestly looking into things and thinking about them.

    Wonderful write, I think that it did suffer from structure, it's almost a Candance type of poem and felt that it would have came down smoother if you had done it in that style. I would have liked to seen more comparison, or a few more metaphores, you've always been good with those, but let's not talk about all bad

    in closing this poem was well done, it really highlights your vocab and shows why many different people really enjoy your poems.

  • 8 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Novalyn, wow, this poem was very well written. I fully enjoyed reading it, I am going to add it to my favorites as well as nominate this next time around (since I've already voted 3 times). You have a lot of talent my dear, keep up the fantastic piece of art that we all like to call poetry.

    'My thoughts are overripe apples,
    falling down from a tree of
    Impracticality,'

    Simplicit ponderings evolve to be 'overripe apples' as you call it, which I think was brilliant. The imagery here wasn't the only factor that captured my interest, it was the metaphor of taking ones thoughts and explaining to the reader how those 'thoughts' were to overly complex therefore, falling down. Wonderful start.

    I loved how you used 'impracticality' in this stanza. It doesn't only show how this persons thoughts are impractical, but it also shows how there is nothing left for this person to theoretically contribute to their knowledge base, therefore, 'dropping' or 'withdrawing' their over thought complex ponderings from an impractical tree of 'wisdom' shall you. Hope that made sence...

    'begging me to let them be:
    a root of Possibility.'

    I liked how you reversed the thought of being impractical to practical, giving the thoughts 'hope' to survive will you. Great work so far. I'm really enjoying this read Novalyn.

    "Uncertain
    as I may be, a wealth
    of courage blooms inside of
    me, and from his trunk to mine,
    I find perfection guides and guards
    our 'sweet catacombs' of borrowed time."

    Not really sure if 'sweet' should be embracing 'catacombs' like that or not. When I think of catacombs, I think of a bleak morbid underground tunneling with the dead displayed. So to say 'sweet' kind of contradicts that feeling for me, although I must say seeing it used in a different 'light' is nice to see. Hrmmm, I suppose you could use it like that if you were simply saying our 'sweet' memories are now encapsulated in 'borrowed time' via the use of 'catacombs' which makes sence...hrmmm okay, it makes sence, sorry for my ramblings...

    '...into the skies, whose mouth
    opens wide at my swift replies;'

    Oh, I loved the use of personification here, well done. Fantastic write, full of thought and imagery. Keep up the excellent work Novalyn.

    Peace, Joe

  • 8 years ago

    by Gasttlee

    "They set themselves atop the grass,
    and while basking in decision,
    I dawdle from their path
    with frantic competition
    between my two
    left feet."

    These were my favorite lines. The imagery was appealing and hit the message on the spot throughout the whole poem. 5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Knee

    Congratulations! :)
    Well done girl. I love it.

  • 8 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Congrats hun.
    Very well deserved win.
    I loved this poem very much, you did a wonderful job & should be proud of this :]

  • 8 years ago

    by Alvaro

    Omg... i've read many poems in this site... and only 2 have made me said omg... thanks for writing this piece... its inspired me to write, haha the last part... was what sealed it off for me... from the first word to the last...

  • 8 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "My thoughts are overripe apples,
    falling down from a tree of
    Impracticality,
    begging me to let them be:
    a root of Possibility."

    Wow, this is a breathtaking first stanza, this hit the reader and just took their breath away! The metaphor was fresh and new, I would have never thought of that. I really liked the imagery portrayed, which brought this piece alive to the reader. Wonderful work!

    "They set themselves atop the grass,
    and while basking in decision,"

    I really like these two lines, and found them to be very captivating. I never heard of "basking in decision", because as Temps said it "basking" reminds me of someone bathing in sun. So great job with originality here!

    "I dawdle from their path
    with frantic competition
    between my two
    left feet."

    I loved the word choice, you really have a way with capturing the reader's attention, holding it there and not boring them in the least bit.

    "What am I to say to those who
    long to question my ideas of
    resting down just where he is?"

    Love the question tagged on here, this piece is so far mindblowing.

    "Uncertain
    as I may be, a wealth
    of courage blooms inside of
    me, and from his trunk to mine,
    I find perfection guides and guards
    our sweet catacombs of borrowed time."

    This was such a unique stanza, the vocabulary just hit me and caught my eye. Great imagery portrayed here.

    "Allow me
    to evaporate and swell
    into the skies, whose mouth
    opens wide at my swift replies;
    Climbing the tree of mysteries with
    nothing but a fistful of apple seeds."

    Wow, what an ending! I can say no more, this was so worthy of front page. I am glad you won, congrats! This was such a creative and unique write, I enjoyed each bit of it. Nicely done, keep writing for you have so much talent.

    God Bless You!

    ~MaryAnne

  • 8 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    You. Are. Amazing.

    First off, the title.
    Oh my, straight away I was hooked.
    From one word I just craved more, exactly what a title should be doing, attracting the reader not scaring them away.

    "My thoughts are overripe apples,
    falling down from a tree of
    Impracticality,"
    `I absolutely adored how you capitalized "Impracticality", its a technique you don't see very often yet its so strong for the poem. Shows the reader importance of certain words that could go unseen. Excellent. Also "Possibility" further down. Your opening was amazing, if the title didn't drag the reader in that sure as hell would.

    I fricken love your personification of your thoughts, its so original. Something I'd only expect from you. Fantastic.

    "What am I to say to those who
    long to question my ideas of
    resting down just where he is?"
    `Usually sentences of this length would mess a poem up, throw off the flow and be too much of a mouthfull--
    but of course you pulled it off. You kept it simple yet really make my mind work, which is barely does. ;)
    I love the phrase "who long to", its just so poetic and beautiful.

    The ending was perfect,
    you pulled it all back to the metaphor of apples which concluded it lovely.

    There is not a thing I could critique on in this poem, love. It well deserved the win. Amazing work, speechless. <3

  • 8 years ago

    by Dark Secrets

    Wow!!! this is really good work. I like how you stuck to the apple tree as a metephore sorta topic for your poem and then zoomed in to describe the apple which is the your accomplishment and then moved to the seeds inside the apple which means that the production never ends and it moves through generation. The tittle is what caught my eye and made me want to read it, because it is one simple word which makes you ponder on what the poem might be about.
    However I didn't understand who it is you are reffering to by using "he". At first it seems you're reffering to someone you look up to then it seems like you're reffering to the tree and at the end it seems like you're reffering to god.
    Anyway, I enjoyed reading your poem, it was entertaining and beautiful, few people write about knowledge and accomplishment these days.

  • 8 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    Maybe the most original poem I have read. It was so well done. Brilliant is the word that comes to mind.
    The flow , the imagery the imagination you have a complete and fantastic write.