"My heart spills like the water falling above me.
Thunderous clashes form inside our bodies,
as the wind whips our hair; I�m left spinning.
Lightning surges up from my feet; reaching
the grayest of clouds form shapes above us."

Just delete that a thingy above and below, I hate when that happens.

First line: A good opening line, your word chioce is entrancing. Nice imagery portrayed such as "My heart spills".

Second line: This is a unique and detailed line, I never would have thought of that.

Third line: I like how you say the wind whips your hair, again good word usage.

Fourth line: Very cool, love the imagery.

Fifth line: I can picture all this, and the whole concept is very original, so hats off to you!
My only suggestion would be to not repeat the word "form", you already did in the second line. Just my opinion.
-------------------------

"The rain pours I feel it run down my face like tears.
Wet grass beneath my feet squish between my toes,
as soil is let up from their binding constrictions.
Each thunderous boom moves us closer than before;
Banging us together with every roaring bang."

First line: Place a comma after "pours" and then add a "and" after that comma.

Second line: Wonderful descriptions, you really bring the reader into this piece, not leaving them in the sidelines.

Third line: Wow, love "constrictions", this poem is very creative, good work!

Fourth line: I loved how you brought thunder and the whole concept of the storm into this piece, well-penned.

Fifth line: I loved how you said "Banging" it gives off feelings and passion, but then you repeat that at the end of the line, "bang". And that kind of ruined this last line for me. Maybe change to "clap", or something else.
-------------------------------

"Lightning that surges through my body evaporates;
lifting itself to the clouds then striking you again.
I feel my body vibrating in the hopes of touching you.
Each inch closer makes my head spin with the wind;
harder and faster grabbing at me as if I�m a tree."

First line: Didn't you already use "surge"?

Maybe reword that..

Second line: Very detailed, you have taken simple words and woven them into a stunning masterpiece.

Third line: Well-expressed feelings and thoughts that you are thinking about.

Fourth line: No suggestions, this was another captivating line.

Fifth line: Place a comma after "faster" and then delete that a thingy.
---------------------------

"Swinging from side to side in my own body,
I feel my essence flip and turn crazier than before.
All I want is for my storm to take over inside of you.
Swinging, lightning, thundering bodies form,
as you lift my chin with a luminous kiss."

First line: Simply put so far great job!

Second line: I, the reader, have high expectations and you have went above and beyond those expecatations.

Third line: A great line, showing your true intentions.

Fourth line: Again, you already used "swinging" and "lightning" didn't feel like it fit. Just my view though.

Fifth line: I have never heard a kiss be "luminous" before, I like your style.

Overall, 5/5 from me, besides the tiny errors this piece was clever. When others read this I am sure they will be a speechless as I am. Keep writing, always and forever..

~MaryAnne

Wow. This is really really greats and I'm going to favorite this one. This is something that rarely happens to me but as I read this write, I could create this clear image in my head as the stanzas went on. Each line had its own progression to the scene going through my head. Just an incredible use of words to create imagery. Only one small detail I wish would change. I feel like the first lines of the first two stanzas are repeating this trend of using similes that doesn't continue throughout the remainder of the write. It's no big deal it just seemed a bit cliche unless you make it a matter of structure rather than just word play. Excellent write though. A favorite.

Very interesting! The description was awesome. Also you had a great use of "power" words in your poem that went well with it. Every owrd you described was like an image inside my head. Very nice job!

I sometimes give up on some of the poems I read as they require to much brain power to understand or they are so badly written that I just can't get my head around them.
At first I thought this poem was one as such.
As it appears to me that you have not read it enough times and edited it so that its flow is just so and that it truly makes sense. I know how easy it is to put pen to paper when a thought or a word sparks an idea for you to write and you rush in to capture either, thoughtless really of what you are writing. That is why you must edit, makes sense as then you can sort out the rushed mass on your page,
I am going to make some suggestions to try and sort out what I think is wrong and I hope you don't mind and it helps.

1st stanza
L1 - My heart spills like the water falling above me.
Does this make sense?
--------like the water falling on me. or falling down on me or the rain falling above me or falling above (us), as thee 2nd line seems wrong as you use a plural.
L5 - reaching the grayest of clouds form shapes above us.
A real tongue twister and brain tease, formed shapes? perhaps

2nd stanza
L1 - running down my face perhaps?
L3 - From its binding constriction

3rd Stanza
L1 - Lightning that surges through my body evaporates;
Try to make it make sense how does lightening evaporate? disperses,scatters,desolves, I like diffuses maybe?
L2 - lifting itself to the clouds then striking you again.
Me insteaad of you?
L3 - I feel my body vibrating in the hopes of touching you.
in hope of touching you, ?
L4/5 - Each inch closer makes my head spin with the wind;
harder and faster grabbing at me as if I'm a tree.
It just does not read right to me?
Your closeness makes my head spin like a wind grabbing me harder and faster,
As if I am a tree

5th stanza
L3 - All I want is for my storm to take over inside of you.
-------- to take you over.
L4 - Swinging, lightning, thundering bodies form,
With its-------------------body form,
L5 - as you lift my chin with a luminous kiss.
Do not like luminous to me it is a bit flat the end needs something more explosive to complete your storm theme.

Just some ideas as everybody reads a poem differently though as a poet all that really matters is how you feel but it is nice to know that sometimes you can reach an audience.

Ray S let us know what you think or if this was a help I will score it after.

This is a great poem, but it needs to be re-edit.
"My heart spills like the water falling above me.
Thunderous clashes form inside our bodies,
as the wind whips our hair; I'm left spinning.
Lightning surges up from my feet; reaching
the grayest of clouds form shapes above us.

The rain pours I feel it run down my face like tears.
Wet grass beneath my feet squish between my toes,
as soil is let up from their binding constrictions.
Each thunderous boom moves us closer than before;
Banging us together with every roaring clap.

Lightning that surges through my body evaporates;
lifting itself to the clouds then striking you again.
I feel my body vibrating in the hopes of touching you.
Each inch closer makes my head spin with the wind;
harder and faster grabbing at me as if I'm a tree.

Swinging from side to side in my own body,
I feel my essence flip and turn crazier than before.
All I want is for my storm to take over inside of you.
Swinging, lightning, thundering bodies form,
as you lift my chin with a luminous kiss".

I think that you repeats the same start in both two different stanzas, it just turns the poem off completely.
1."Lightning that surges through my body evaporates;"
2."Lightning surges up from my feet;". I think also you could change some words synonymes because certain words also turns off your write. Don't take this critic as a failure but a lesson.

Thanks for your comment on my poem also. Keep writing, 4/5, kel.

That exactly describe a storm. The way you portrayed it was so powerful like a whirlwnd, andi am still in daze of this head spinning piece.Although i would say that there were some lines that i think were necessary.Over all you did a good job..

Your thoughts and word pictures are very well laid out. Seems this needs a bit of proof reading so score not as high as could be.
I would go back over the wording/punctuation as at times I feel your thoughts are being misrepresented ie:
first stanza lines 4 & 5, what/who is reaching?
second stanza line 2 "squishes". Line 3 what does "their" refer to?
Really think the semicolons need checking.

I am in awe. This is definately one of my favourites! Its amazing. Talk about the imagery, the emotion! Very creative. Some minor adjustments as previously noted. Otherwise its a perfect description. Can't wait to show my girlfriend.