Twisted

by Lady Nik   Jul 7, 2009


I can hear them screaming
just gnawing at my existence...
Wanting to get out
and breathe.
Not knowing that death
is too close to life.

I feel them beneath weary skin
Crawling...
Walking upon dark concrete
like ghouls
creeping into nightmares.

Why? Why do you pull at me?
I can't save you
I'm barely human myself.
A sorry excuse of
wasted blood mixed with
tarnished flesh and mangled bones.

"You need us"
They repeat while I cry
Tears so cold they freeze upon falling
I stand over this body
Blood claiming my shaky hands
"I...I didn't mean to"
"Look at what you made me do!"
They just laugh at me...

Satisfied with the kill
They drift off to sleep
leaving me alone with my conscience
"Now look at what you've done"
SHUT UP!!!!!!
"Were you hungry again?"
I break down at her words.

I..I killed again..ate again
I can still taste the blood
as it trickles down my throat
I can feel the skin and meat
tangled in my teeth.
Monster...I am a monster.

I am alone now
"No" they say at once
I smile knowing
I haven't let them down
I found my friends
They're in my head.

*For a club contest where I had to use the lyric "I found my friends, they're in my head" Please tell me what you think*

3


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 7 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    This is pretty unique I don't think I've read to much poetry on this topic. Sounded like something from that twilight movie haha I like the lyrics for the song because they fit perfect with a sort of fictional/dream poem. They finished the poem quite nicely to I must admit I'm glad you ended it that way very strong. Great job 5/5 very unique

  • 7 years ago

    by Pesamenteiro

    This is great, i wish i could give you a bit more critisism and such, but i dont see much wrong with this poem.
    The only thing i would say is that it is a bit confusing.
    it should be abstract, btu still make sense, and it just seems to give pieces of a whole story and leaves the reader hanging (in a bad way)
    But its just an amazing poem, the words are chosen wonderfully and it flows really well.
    5/5

  • 7 years ago

    by Fsams

    A very good poem with a great flow and good use of poetic lexis.
    Full ratings for this superb piece :)

    Love,
    Fsams

  • 7 years ago

    by x3 TinyDancer3000 x3

    Wow! I'm speechless! So dark and real! If I could, I'd give this piece over a 5!! Amazing work!!

  • 7 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "I can hear them screaming
    just gnawing at my existence...
    Wanting to get out
    and breathe.
    Not knowing that death
    is too close to life."

    This was a powerful opening that grabbed the reader and pulled them in. Your word usage was great too, it kept me captivated. You describe so much here and have me reading on.

    "I feel them beneath weary skin
    Crawling...
    Walking upon dark concrete
    like ghouls
    creeping into nightmares."

    The style you wrote in had a nice touch, and this was a unique stanza. I can seriously imagine all of this and it sends chills down my spine, nice work.

    "Why? Why do you pull at me?
    I can't save you
    I'm barely human myself.
    A sorry excuse of
    wasted blood mixed with
    tarnished flesh and mangled bones."

    I loved this, the two questions at the first line were really good. And the whole concept was dark and entrancing. You have much talent and it shined through each line.

    ""You need us"
    They repeat while I cry
    Tears so cold they freeze upon falling
    I stand over this body
    Blood claiming my shaky hands
    "I...I didn't mean to"
    "Look at what you made me do!"
    They just laugh at me..."

    This was a very creepy stanza, but you make the scene come alive to the reader.

    "Satisfied with the kill
    They drift off to sleep
    leaving me alone with my conscience
    "Now look at what you've done"
    SHUT UP!!!!!!
    "Were you hungry again?"
    I break down at her words."

    Well-expressed feelings and emotions, you describe all that is happening and what your thoughts are very well here.

    "I..I killed again..ate again
    I can still taste the blood
    as it trickles down my throat
    I can feel the skin and meat
    tangled in my teeth.
    Monster...I am a monster."

    I like the usage of the periods, it has a nice touch. This is a very twisted write, you create such dark pieces, I love them!

    "I am alone now
    "No" they say at once
    I smile knowing
    I haven't let them down
    I found my friends
    They're in my head."

    Wow, this was a powerful and deep ending. 5/5 from me, a true masterpiece.

    Take care and God Bless You!

    ~MaryAnne