And so She Dies Alone

by Jennifer RIP Lesthat Hayden   Aug 3, 2009


Left in an aphonic room is a soft beating,
as a fervent heart loses blood as life's fleeting.
Struggling for air, the pain begins to worsen.
Why would someone do this to another person?

Eyes wide open, staring at the textured ceiling,
a soul tries to endure the unbearable feeling.
The door is left cracked open with hand prints of blood.
Tangled in sheets, she rolls off the bed with a thud.

An aching groan escapes her lips, so perfect and pink.
Vivid green eyes are hidden momently by a blink.
Crawling for the hallway; now reaching for the phone,
she just can't reach it and so she dies alone.

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    'Left in an aphonic room is a soft beating,
    as a fervent heart loses blood as life's fleeting.
    Struggling for air, the pain begins to worsen.
    Why would someone do this to another person?'
    `Second line - maybe try... 'as life fleets' .. I think that may work better? I could be wrong. I think that these lines are pretty cliche...but I think it was a release of feeling.

    'a soul tires to endure the unbearable feeling'
    `Tries not tires

    'An aching groan escapes her lips, so perfect and pink.'
    `Perfect and pink a good alliteration.

    'Crawling for the hallway; now reaching for the phone,
    she just can't reach it and so she dies alone.'
    `A very sad ending.

    I think your beginning was pretty cliche, but as I continued to read I thought that the idea of the poem was well done and you followed through really nice with it.

  • 14 years ago

    by Jessica

    This had a very dark and gloomy feel to it, and from the very first line it drew me in. Well written and I really enjoyed it. I like your detailed description of the girl, I think it made the poem that much more realistic. 5/5

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