Comments : I miss, I love, I hope.

  • 14 years ago

    by Loveless Dreamer

    Beautifully done. sorry for the pain it causes. i liked it...every bit. 5/5 great job hun

    *Val

  • 14 years ago

    by Kuro

    I miss the curves of your face
    I miss your eyes
    I Your smell
    I miss you, and especially your hair
    I miss the person who was there

    i think you forgot to put MISS in the 3rd line.
    not a bad start. it sets the pace for the rest of the poem.

    I miss the guy who watched me cry
    And stayed my my side.
    Who talked, knowing I wouldn't
    Talk back

    the 2nd line there is a typo, either AT MY SIDE, or BY MY SIDE. either would work well.
    its kinda got a weird rhythm, but i like how you describe all the small things that you specifically miss

    It hurt to watch you go
    I cried after leaving your side
    I love the fact you are wise
    I love the way you walk
    I love the way you talk
    The fact you said you "cared"
    i love every single thing you do
    I miss it all too

    the 7th line, the "i" is not capitalized, when all the others are. still looking good.

    Ever sense we went our separate ways
    For I love you, and always will
    Never question it. Never ask
    This feeling will never me in the
    past

    i like the words but they don't quite fit together. the 1st line is fine, but it is an incomplete thought, then the 2nd line seems to start another one, without finishing the previous. the last 2 lines don't quite make sense. i'm sure if you reword this a little, it seems to be an important part to the overall piece. you would not want it to be misunderstood.

    If you hate me
    Even if you love me still
    Though I doubt it
    The feeling will stay the same.
    And if anything
    I wish to remain your friend
    If not more...

    once again, there's some incomplete thoughts here, making it hard to comprehend what your saying/feeling, but its got a lot of potential.

    only after finishing reading all of it, do i understand the title. clever. i like the overall feel it gave, though i'm not quite sure about some stanzas. and the typo's aren't that bad.
    i liked how i could relate to this. More-so when i was in high school. i guess we are helpless and fall victim to our own emotions

    when you write from your heart, then that is what makes you feel so great after you finish a poem, a work of art. you write what you feel, sometimes it doesn't make sense, just touch this up a bit, and then other people can relate to it even more.

    thanks for sharing (and for the comment)
    ~Ben

  • 14 years ago

    by SolemnWish

    From a man's point of view. I've felt this before too. It hurt like hell for me so i hope your doing better then i did. 5/5