Free

'Silent pleas of helplessness,
buried beneath childish lips,'
`A great opening, loved the word choice & unique way of wording this.

'dark with the pain from fighting.'
`You can take out 'the' .. it makes sense without it.

'Foreboding shadows scream,'
`This was great with a touch of personification here. Well done.

'Hair over downcast eyes,
cloudy with misty tears.'
`I think that 'over' is kind of plain here, you could use something sooo much more descriptive. Like maybe scattered? or blinding? or cloaking? Cloudy with misty tears was a bit cliche but it works.

A great write here, I can hear your voice ever so clearly as I read this. Esp the last line, it was a great way of ending this. I think you did a decent job on this, full of emotions as well. Good work.

Nice. I liked it. I love how we're all goofy one minute talking about all kinds of crazy stuff, then our poetry gets all serious.

I loved the line 'dark with the pain from fighting'.

Great job. 5/5

Silent pleas of helplessness,
buried beneath childish eyes,

*Hmm I'd maybe say "childish lips" because when I think about pleading to someone I think about speaking to them and begging them to hear me out, not really looking at
them.*

dark with the pain of fighting.

*I think "from" should be where you put "of" that sounds better to me.*

Every breath is a stuggle,
fighting to inhale: exhale.

*I would maybe say " struggling to inhale:exhale" that way you don't have to say fighting twice*

They dream of freedom.

*I like this last line. It seems so relatable*

Foreboding shadows scream,

*Love the alliteration :) *

reminders of present madness.

*Hmm maybe "past" instead of "present"...why would someone need to be reminded of the present?*

Hair over downcast eyes,
cloudy with misty tears.
Threatening to break free,
pour down pale cheeks.

*This ending was flawless and also beautiful. I loved it. Best part of the poem so far.*

It's not their fault,
but they take the blame.
They take the unwanted pain.
Slurred words from drunken mouths,
taking them to a place of misery.
All they want is to be free.

*Great ending. Very emotional. I can relate to wanting to be free sometimes and I thinky uo did a great way of expressing that throughout the poem. There were some parts I'd work on but other than that nice poem hun. Glad I read it :) Nik*