Comments : Chasing Paper Rainbows

  • 8 years ago

    by ReBecca

    Oh Lu...that was incredible. I adored the ending! The metaphor of the tarnished goblet representing a love that has been betrayed or abused is great!

  • 8 years ago

    by The Queen

    It's much too painful
    chasing paper rainbows,
    while drowning.
    And the sun never seems to fit,
    in my pocket.
    ^^I totally loved this stanza, great portrayal of an immense sadness. The originality stood out too..However i just have one comment to make, i think the period after drowning was somehow distructing. The connection to the last sentence has ended there. Just my opinion though :-) and i dont think it was really noticable, the breadth of expression was too astonishing.

    A tarnished goblet
    to quench the thirst
    of darkness.
    ^^I thnk the word "defeat" will add more dramatic effect rather than darkness to this line, defeat would be totally connected to the last part of this piece..."the man i hate to love", Yet you already pictured both of you together..

    I loved most of the lines within this poem, written with originality and one of the finest explorations of creativity.

    This is one of the styles i totally adore, the feelings can be expressed without being trapped into syllabic measure and rhyme scheme.

    Outstanding piece Luu, and it's just too disappointing i hsve no votes left for this week.

  • 8 years ago

    by The Queen

    It's much too painful
    chasing paper rainbows,
    while drowning.
    And the sun never seems to fit,
    in my pocket.
    ^^I totally loved this stanza, great portrayal of an immense sadness. The originality stood out too..However i just have one comment to make, i think the period after drowning was somehow distructing. The connection to the last sentence has ended there. Just my opinion though :-) and i dont think it was really noticable, the breadth of expression was too astonishing.

    A tarnished goblet
    to quench the thirst
    of darkness.
    ^^I thnk the word "defeat" will add more dramatic effect rather than darkness to this line, defeat would be totally connected to the last part of this piece..."the man i hate to love", Yet you already pictured both of you together..

    I loved most of the lines within this poem, written with originality and one of the finest explorations of creativity.

    This is one of the styles i totally adore, the feelings can be expressed without being trapped into syllabic measure and rhyme scheme.

    Outstanding piece Luu, and it's just too disappointing i hsve no votes left for this week.

  • 8 years ago

    by Melpomene

    I am actually speechless with this piece Lu, I am amazed about how beautiful you wrote this. I must say, in my eyes your poetry just improves and improves. What an elegant and beautiful piece. Although i'm speechless i'm going to attempt to leave you a comment on this poem anyway.

    I loved how you created this structure, it's different from you and honestly you did it really well. The opening line was wonderful, it really draws the reader in because of the tone you used and the emotion behind it.

    Lu, I havn't written in a long time now and you made me want to write, this poem was inspiring to me because of how amazing it was.

    I adored this:
    "when your tongue -
    caught fire
    and burnt my soul."

    The darkness of these three lines was interesting. You made me create imagery into my mind,to paint a picture with your words.

    The first stanza is definitly a favorite, you opened the poems up perfectly, it was some what relaxing with the tone. However I also found the third stanza to be clever. The contrast between the sun and pain is a beautiful context. I also like the thought of paper rainbows. It's unique.

    You ended the poem nicely everthing fitted together. I liked the irony in the last few lines. Love and hate contrasted together.

    Overall Lu, I loved this. One of the most amazing poems I have read in a long time. Well done. -Mel

  • 8 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    Excellent use of a metaphor. Good imagery. This piece is very clever and unique. Nice job!

  • 8 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    An excellent metaphoric poem though I am querulous were, 'you carved our name in paper', came from, poetic license at it best, the sympathy votes of course coming from women, though men do get ditched regularly by women so we to can sympathise with you. A lovely written poem which drew me in with its flow and got me feeling the pain and defeat as it was meant to. 5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by HidinVictim

    Wow... This makes me wanna cry, I can really relate to this right now. Beautifully written and great imagery by the way. Oh! And I love the title, it really catches the eye

  • 8 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    This one is definately going into my favorites.... its so so beautiful... I just couldnt explain how i felt while reading it... expressions so prfectly described...

    "Time heals all wounds"
    they say.
    - When shall that time come -
    Tomorrow ?
    (The tomorrow that never comes)
    ^^ when shall time come... may be never...how tomorrow seems so far away... such touching lines...so so beautifully penned... a question that has no answer ...

    It's much too painful
    chasing paper rainbows,
    while drowning.
    And the sun never seems to fit,
    in my pocket.

    ^^ loved the brilliant imagery ... its so unique... paper rainbows and sun in pocket... I am at awe at the beauty of these words... so deep yet something that we all could understand...

    - a toast -
    To the man,
    I hate, to love.

    ^^ there coudnt have been a better ending...

    superb write.. and I am really glad that i read it...

  • 8 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Love na hate lie so close together, Luanne....and when we love a man deeply, it can turn to bitter hate at times when he lets us down...

    You are such a beautiful human being...you deserve to be treated well.

    God bless:)

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 8 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Awwww!! it's beautiful!! I loooove it!!! its filled with so many emotionss!! Great jobbb!

  • 8 years ago

    by Knee

    Oh..such beautiful ending Luu!!
    This is so amazing.

    Well done!

  • 7 years ago

    by Samuel Dimafelix

    I want to add but no more can i add but your a great poet

  • 7 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I hate to compare you to another poet, but Melpomene's & your styles are so similar and equally amazing. I get addicted to your poetry & hers so easily. Anyways, another really awesome write. The "To the man, I hate, to love." was the perfect ending & was extremely powerful. Another awesome write from you, filled with emotion --wonderfully done.