Comments : Hanging by a Moment

  • 8 years ago

    by Lu

    And like a fragmentary song
    in need of proper tempo,
    each word of this unrhymed poem
    written between a few sobs and
    involuntarily tears mutely screaming
    for appreciation amid infinite pain and
    unpromising love drifting off---into
    another yet murderous silence...
    ^^^
    I love this ending Myryn !
    "written between a few sobs and
    involuntarily tears "
    Fits the title so perfectly.

    Congrats on your challenge win dear heart.

    Wonderfully penned!

  • 8 years ago

    by BeMusEd

    These days, the inevitable
    changes of the seasons and
    the timeless wisdom of the
    dying auld lang syne
    ...bring forth tears
    to my absentminded eyes, inconsolably

    Emptiness lingers from the depth of the night
    your memories are like these evening stars
    mysteriously charming to look at and now remain
    evermore a mystery

    --I like this part, emotions have been expressed very well, I can feel the sadness of the author..
    well done...congrats..

  • 8 years ago

    by Lu

    Congrats on your front page win hun, very deserving ~hugs~

  • 8 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Beauuutifulll! I love it... So wonderfullly written... Congratulations on the win!!! :) You deserve it! I love how the inspiration came from 'Hanging by a moment' by Lifehouse. I love the song!

  • 8 years ago

    by Cindy

    Congrats on the win :)
    Take Care
    Cindy

  • 8 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    I could feel the sudden
    cascade of forcible darkness
    so deep...beneath the ragged

    *I don't think you need the "so" before "deep" I think deep says it all. I do like that you said cascade, that's always a nice word lol*

    cliff of friendship that, I could

    *I think the comma creates a pause which then ruins the flow of the poem. I'd take it out. Flows much better without it.*

    At a blow, turned handicapped with an
    "ABSENT FOREVER" admonition

    *I love these last two lines. They have such lasting effect and really bring out a boldness in your emotions.*

    changes of the seasons and

    *I'd take out "and" that way the two lines flow into each other and add a deeper effect,*

    the timeless wisdom of the
    dying auld lang syne...bring

    *I love this part :) the diction is very interesting and creative. Really adds more to the saddens of the poem. Lovely*

    and your memories are
    like these evening stars

    *I can really relate to this part. It makes me sad almost in a way. The memories can be so bright and painful that all you can do is cry. Love that you put the part about the stars in. I love stars and I often remember the most when it's night*

    And like a fragmentary song

    *The word "franmentary" didn't flow right to me. I think "fragmented" sounds so much better and flows into the nest line nicely*

    each word of this unrhymed poem
    written between a few sobs and
    involuntarily tears mutely screaming

    *I loved this part. I often do that. I'll point out that the poem doesn't rhyme or that what I'm saying makes no sense. I think that's what makes the poem real to me. You broke that wall of the poetic world and let me into your world if that makes since. Anyways I really enjoyed this piece. I often fall in love with your poems :) and this is another great one. Congrats dear. Nik*

  • 7 years ago

    by Kenneth

    Lifehouse are the best. Hangin by a Moment my favourite song. Your poetry is good.

  • 7 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    The rhythm and flow of this unrhymed poem is as amazing as it timeless theme