You are a guy...

by XoXoBriannaoXoX   Dec 11, 2009


You left me alone..
you tore me apart..
why did you hurt me..
why did you break my heart?

you said you were committed..
you said you loved me..
you said i was everything you could ever need.

but i guess it was all a lie..
why did i ever trust you...
i mean.. you are a guy...

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Kayl

    Good job :)

  • 14 years ago

    by KJ

    "You left me alone..
    you tore me apart..
    why did you hurt me..
    why did you break my heart?"
    ^^Great job with the first stanza. The flow was perfect and the rhyme was also better than the first poem.

    "you said you were committed..
    you said you loved me..
    you said i was everything you could ever need."
    ^^Okay, you jumped from a rhyme scheme to non-rhyme. It sort of threw me off. But with an extra line you could create a balance within the poem

    "but i guess it was all a lie..
    why did i ever trust you...
    i mean.. you are a guy... "
    ^^same as the second stanza. you could've ended with a bang with an extra line. it sort of ended suddenly and I was expecting a little more

    Overall, good write. With a couple changes it could be made into great. 4/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    I like the point to the poem , it makes LOTS of sense lol . Um , you need to pay more attention to the flow when you write , all your lines should be around the same length with the same amount of syllables .. It just makes the read smoother . Keep writting . 5/5