Comments : Swift the Days

  • 14 years ago

    by Lu

    Deana firstly I love how you incorporated the seasons into this piece. Gives the reader a sense of how quickly time goes by as spring buds turn to bloom ... blooms die with the cold of fall, then get buried beneath the snow ... which leads us back again to Spring.

    Sort of like our very own lives... our children are born, they grow beneath our care ... we try to give them knowledge, love and compassion for others ... then they leave the nest with your words "Life's knowledge shared lives on to grow"

    Love how you mixed the nature in with life and tying it all up with a wonderful message!

    And such a wonderful job on the form as well.
    Wonderful choice for your repeated line!

    Great read Deana, wonderfully penned

  • 14 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Deana,

    This seemed to be a kind of format, with the repeated line in all stanzas..

    I liked it, both the poem and the format.

    Indeed life goes by so fast, with the passing of the years it seems to even get worse.

    A world on fire, within its fall
    Lessons lie deep, the mind does know

    ^^
    I loved these lines best, it gave me goose bumps..I think we indeed do know, Deana..but cold hard cash wins to this day:/

    Good poem, well worded and one to make us think:)

    Best wishes for you in 2010 and God bless,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 14 years ago

    by Faithless

    Deana, I love how you infuse the seasons into this poem, It's a lovely endless cycle process where it loops over and over again, over the years. I like how you used the 1st sentence from the 1st stanza cascading down the 2nd ,3rd and last stanza. The pattern really suits the theme of the poem.

    Snow lies upon the mountain top
    Renews the river soon to flow
    Life's knowledge shared lives on to grow
    Swift the days pass by my window
    ^^^ I like how you phrase this, it's simple but a brilliant metaphor. The old generation will always influence the new generation, soon the new becomes old and the cycle repeats itself.

    This poem is such a delightful to read, and it's worth rereading it over and over again.

    Excellent work;)

  • 14 years ago

    by Beautiful Chaos

    I really enjoyed reading this Deana, it has a very serene feeling to it, it automatically draws me into thoughts of sitting by the window and watching, nothing in particular, just life as it goes by, those quiet moments where sometimes we learn the most important things. Nice work.

  • 14 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    I really like this piece except for the parts where you used inversion to make the rhyme like: The wind does blow....I know it is a challenge when you do a form and have specific rules to adhere to.......besides that I liked it, time does go by so fast doesn't it?

  • 14 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Deana,

    This was a lovely Quatern, I loved the simplicity of the piece along with the combination
    of the seasons, each season held a different season and they really allowed for the meaning
    to be etched into the readers mind. While this poem was placed in the life section it also
    seems quite sad in my opinion, it's like the days go by too quickly. However I loved the
    metaphor of this poem, the seasons being like our lives, forever changing.. and passing by.

    I believe the use of seasons was quite clever while incorporating them into a Quatern was
    even more clever because it had the perfect amount of stanzas and just the right amount
    of lines.

    I however canno't pick a favorite stanza as I am fond of them all, but the first stanza
    really grasped my attention. I loved the use of Robin, the imagery there was elegant
    and beautiful. Not too often have I read about a robin in a poem and it was great to
    picture such a wonderful creature.

    The nature within this poem was absoloutely stunning, Like I mentioned above the imagery
    created by using nature was lovely. I also liked the wise words you used throughout your
    poem, this piece was filled with knowledge and I had a pleasure reading it.

    Well done.
    -Mel

  • 14 years ago

    by Cindy

    Deana
    There is so much meaning in this piece. Time does pass so quickly. As the years pass and we learn life's lessons we caqn pass these on.

    Snow lies upon the mountain top
    Renews the river soon to flow
    Life's knowledge shared lives on to grow
    Swift the days pass by my window

    I really liked this stanza. How the snow on the mountain feeds the river. How are lessons feed the mind.
    Great job!
    Take Care
    Cindy

  • 13 years ago

    by Jenna Bella Oldridge

    This was a really good poem and I enjoyed it so much I read it twice. Your imagery was excellent and I liked how you fitted all the stanza's together

    5/5