Comments : Bullet Crown

  • 7 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Azzza,

    So long it has taken you to write something, and then you give us this...what a beautiful, meaningful poem you have made:)

    I am going to break it down for you:

    Polka dotes of green
    cascading down celestial sphere

    ^^
    You mean to say "dots"here, don't you?
    Ir really hits me deep how you describe the parachutists coming down this way. As in a movie, where the music that accompanies it, makes the viewer take a distance emotionally..makes it al seem so surreal somehow. You do that too, by the way you describe it.

    Storming through the wind,
    targeting terrorist(juveniles)
    without any mercy...

    ^^^
    Indeed it all happens in a flash, the fire being opened, rockets coming down....and no way back, once the deadly weapon is in mid air..

    Retaliating with stones,
    you showered us with missiles.

    ^^
    Indeed the poor only have primitive means to defend themselves, yet are fought back with all the enemy has at his disposal..

    Blooming our fields
    with orange mushrooms,
    decorating azure sky with
    fireworks of adolescents.

    ^^
    Just imagine how it must have seemed to some, who didn't even know what was happening and saw these mushroom appear on the horizon..the after-effects of those mushrooms are still doing their deadly/ mutilating work..

    Crowning my son with bullets,
    a red carpet grass is paved
    for me to honor this 'Glory'.

    ^^
    I have no words for this, having a child myself, it just fills my eyes with tears to read this..

    Paralyzing my tears,
    as I witnessed my prince sitting
    peacefully on his deadly throne;
    departing prematurely
    before rising as a King.

    ^^
    Eastern people see themselves as martyrs and therefore find it much easier to sacrifice their lives for"the greater good". I agree we all go to heaven, but only when He says it is time, we shoud go and not take any life or end our own on purpose.

    Ambitious dreams vanish
    into the morning light,
    collapsing all hopes tomorrow.

    ^^^
    Indeed war destroys all hopes and dreams, wipes away all that is built..

    As ash flakes gently kissed my face,
    crystal driblets roll down in solitude.
    Enmity fills the heart towards the enemy.

    ^^
    How contrary..ash flakes kissing your skin..so poetically put, Azzza..beautiful imagery in this stanza!

    Tell me! What did we do to deserve this?
    Did we invade your soil and
    took away your seeds?

    ^^
    Anger, outrage, helplesness..all valid emotions indeed..

    Centuries old liquid
    Is that what you're after?
    Doing whatever it takes,
    even if it means silencing the breathing?

    ^^
    Yup, cold hard cash rules and will forever reign, sweetheart. The only reason to invade Irak was the oil too;)

    How could you say
    that we took away your son?
    When it was yours
    who extinguish the rays of our sun!

    A much beautiful poem with a good ending, a question that will leave the reader pondering.

    God bless and congratulations on reaching your 100 poem:)

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 7 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Polka dotes
    ^Polka dots

    'cascading down celestial sphere'
    ^This may sound better to make sphere plural - spheres or if you wanted it singular, put 'a' before celestrial sphere.

    A very powerful write with some wonderful closing stanzas that leave the reader thinking. I thought you did very well with this. You described such images so well. Awesome work.

  • 7 years ago

    by The Queen

    Loved the title hot it fits well with the poem...So many powerful words were said and If i am not mistaken this piece was about war and its disadvantages..Excellent piece Azzza..XD

  • 7 years ago

    by Mimed Lovette

    Azzza! I thought you did a really really good job on this! I loved this part:
    As ash flakes gently kissed my face,
    crystal driblets roll down in solitude.

    If I interpreted it correctly, crystel driblets refer to tears and I love how you make your readers come up with their own interpretation! Amazing write!

  • 7 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Ummmmmmmmm, pretty much, I have NOTHING to say. That rarely happens. Usually I have SOMETHING... I just, wow, I'm so taken back. This poem was incredibly powerful. Excellent word choice. Everyone has spoken for me!

    5/5...incredible!

  • 7 years ago

    by Cindy

    Very deep, intense, and powerful write. The emotions really grip the readers heart.

    Paralyzing my tears,
    as I witnessed my prince sitting
    peacefully on his deadly throne;
    departing prematurely
    before rising as a King.

    The image your words have painted for the mind let the reader see very vividly. This stanza really got me. Brought tears to my eyes. A good writer can make the reader feel his emotions. You accoplished this very well.

    Ambitious dreams vanish
    into the morning light,
    collapsing all hopes for tomorrow.

    It is such a loss when our dreams vanish, How sad when you feel all the hopes for your tomorrows are gone :(
    Excellent job!
    Take Care
    Cindy

  • 7 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This free flowing and skillfully written poem is very deep

  • 7 years ago

    by Knee

    Wooaah! That's NICE!
    I could visualize the whole scene of the war (I guess?)
    Welcome back to writing buddy ;-)

    "Ambitious dreams vanish
    into the morning light,
    collapsing all hopes for tomorrow."
    ^Though those lines didn't hold much wonder, they just appeared to be beautiful in the piece.

    "As ash flakes gently kissed my face,"
    ^I would agree and disagree with using "kissed" with ash flakes, in wars. Because it's war, but I'd agree because of the scene itself.

    So, I finally read the last stanza and remembered the things you said about Son and Sun :D
    Very well penned Azzza..the ending was my fave. I'm not sure you meant "yours" or "you" though.

    This piece came less powerful than your old ones, but I guess it's okay since you haven't written in a while.

    Write on~

  • 7 years ago

    by Corinne

    This is a heartbreaking, beautiful, powerful poem of love - and righteous anger. I'm very impressed.

  • 7 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Blooming our fields
    with orange mushrooms,
    decorating azure sky with
    fireworks of adolescents.

    *I loved this stanza so much :) this could be a poem by itself. Your words are so powerful in this piece and really blow me away. I love the imagery here and how well it's used throughout the entire poem. I think you've done a wondeful job with this piece :) You got my vote. Nice work deary. Nik*

  • 7 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    Yes, the title caught my attention and I get the message....it seems like your words of wisdom at the end are an eye for an eye? Don't you know that 2 wrongs don't make a right? I think the piece could have had a better word choice. You used way too many filler words. In poetry you should try to make the most of every word. It seems as though you threw a couple words in there randomly for sake of not being so simply worded but it is obvious. It needs some work for sure.

  • 7 years ago

    by Adelaide

    Amazing piece. It moved me a great deal. Your writing has a theme of lost life due to what to me represents a war. Good writing. I cannot wait to read more.

    Heidi

  • 7 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    This should have won, Azzza..it is one of the best poems I ever read about the war.

    Please consider this comment my personal award of the week to you for a poem beyond beautiful.

    Big hugs!

    Your friend Ingrid

  • 7 years ago

    by Stephanie Naylor

    Overall i though it was a great poem, such an amazing and eloquent write. I would have to admit that it made me tear up quite a bit, it amazes me on how much emotion you bring forth through your readers by just the words typed on the screen. Though one suggestion is, maybe you could take out some of the exclamation points, i know people think those are for exclaiming things but really an exclamation point is meant to make it like you are yelling so it sort of sounds weird in this poem if you are to read it outloud, still a good write. A well deserved 5/5

  • 7 years ago

    by INcognito

    I think you have a unique talent in poetry. i really like this poem! its strong, the imagery is beautiful and its a great story!

  • 7 years ago

    by Rusheena

    Wow! This completely blew me away; I'm actually at loss for words.

  • 7 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Geee! this wow...loved it..and the title was realy catchy..like really realyy catchy

    these lines :
    As ash flakes gently kissed my face,
    crystal driblets roll down in solitude.
    Enmity fills the heart towards the enemy.

    my favorite
    the flow was obvious
    and the ideas been related
    didnt lose ur concept.
    well done again , inspiring

  • 6 years ago

    by Cinnamonspice

    Your poems are amazing, why have you stopped writing? I love your imagery the picture you paint with your pen is beautiful.
    Connie