Evocative

by Melpomene   May 25, 2010


You -

who stood like Night;

-Reassuring-

painted exotic black skies
to cheeks - drunken
by twilight.

and he who whispered
"one should not sleep alone"..

ran fingertips 'cross -
unstable lips..
with breath that felt like
a thousand lady beetles

-drifting-

a flame upon thy neck..

'tween the verge of
-dusk and dawn-

I -

who stood like shadow;

conjured his lips -
to mine.

As the sound of
-bittersweet wind chimes-
devoured sleeping stars;
in dulcet memories.

My scintilla -

- of waking in
the scent of his arms.

Everlasting petrichor.

and he who whispered
"one should not sleep alone."

penned susurrous words
upon my hand;
that night.

5


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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    Congrats for this..

    And it deserves a detailed comment..
    so here we go

    Fantastic; just fantasticcc.
    What an outstanding piece!
    Perfect word choice; and the expressions
    had this harmony-full connection and the way
    you separated the lines is VERY strong.

    I love this poem so much.

    You -

    who stood like Night;

    ^^perfect opening; very poetic
    and inspiring. Many impressions can be
    granted already while starting to ask
    questions regarding the poem.
    I love it.

    -Reassuring-

    painted exotic black skies
    to cheeks

    ^^ this was a very strong line; which actually
    completes and backs up the expression before it
    !!!

    - drunken
    by twilight.
    ^^^this sounds just like a magical; true view.
    such a mix. Very admirable meli. I lovedd everything
    I have read so far.

    and he who whispered
    "one should not sleep alone"..

    ran fingertips 'cross -
    unstable lips..

    ^^BAH I almost skipped a breath;
    sorry but these lines are very sexy haha..
    just loved their power; and their coherence.
    Well penned..and very describitive AND meaningful.

    -drifting-
    a flame upon thy neck..
    ^^
    MEL! FANTASTIC; this was just
    outstanding. reflects
    passion; anxiety and urges..
    love and yearnings.. i love it and love
    how passionate this feels..

    I -

    who stood like shadow;

    conjured his lips -
    to mine.

    ^^makes it feel so lovely; how
    this person can be anything
    but NOT a burden..love-full. And attractive

    As the sound of
    -bittersweet wind chimes-
    devoured sleeping stars;
    in dulcet memories.
    ^^^you have no idea? how romantic this stanza
    is. Very romantic; and very original.Extremely credible
    and something many can/will relate to.!
    Perfect word choice and very very poetic.
    This is poetry; by all it meas.

    My scintilla -

    "one should not sleep alone."

    penned susurrous words
    upon my hand;
    that night.

    ^^what an ending?
    I love how you repeated that line;
    but what I love more is the surprising ending lines.
    A diff. impression actually.

    Very impressing.
    Hope you are proud of this.
    STrong piece 5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Nee

    That's the weirdest love poem I ever read in my whole life :D lol
    However, I really really loved the imagery in the last part.

    "penned susurrous words
    upon my hand;
    that night. "
    ^
    I love this! Definitely a great ending!

    Well done sweetie :)
    <3

  • 13 years ago

    by Anthony M

    I enjoyed the duality displayed in this piece and the structure really made the difference in being able to read it with a flow that becomes very thought laden; each word has impact, and cannot be hurried or dismissed.
    Well done and congrats on the win also.

  • 13 years ago

    by Faithless

    Wow I'm totally blown away by this poem. I like how you subtly split your poem base on two perspective; You & I. I just adore your word of choice to craft this piece. Excellent Work

  • 13 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Good use of suspension: letting the multiple line breaks encourage our expectations only to take the reader to new directions.

    Interesting contrast: he who seduced was actually being seduced, yet still left the deeper mark: your scintilla his petrichor.

    Yet, godly as he was, engraving his words (image) on your hand (gestalt), you bracketed him to an undercurrent rather than a lifelong torrent.

    At the end you remain a strong independent woman.

    Very

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