Raspberry Tongue {contest}

I really like this poem. Only the repitition of the word burn seemed to bug me. Granted you typed burn and burning, but with the poem as short as it is, it felt like a red flag. I love the word usage everywhere else though. I also am pleased that you did not rhyme in this poem.
Thanks for the read

Wow i loved it it was a very visual poem and the images were amazing!! My favorite part was the begining "your lips are candy coated hell made with all the best ingrediants" it really caught my attention and made me read on cause i understand that and even aside from the visual imagery the sensual contact in the words and their contradictions was very pleasing to me i think you did an amazing job bravo!

Nicely done :D i like how you used contrast.

"Sweet and sour at the same time,
hot and cold; twice the burn."

"Soft when gliding across my skin,
rough like sandpaper to my heart."
- i loved these two lines, because it really reflect some guys perfectly!

Loved how you ended this piece, "so sweet, you'd never guess it was fatal" - who would have guessed you would have ended this piece like this ? Not me! ripest raspberries & sweet scent are generally good :P again contrast, loved it!

The mood I got from this was sultry, sexy, and seductive. Not sad at all. I felt like I just got hit upside the head by that's-a-really-sexy-guy stick.

I absolutely adored the contrast you wrote about all through the poem.
sweet-sour
hot-cold
soft-rough
sweet-fatal

I typically don't enjoy reading poems with no rhyme, but i didn't even notice your poem wasn't rhyming until I read it the third time. You sucked me right in from the beginning and spat me back out with a bang at the end.

Some of my favorite lines were:

"rough like sandpaper to my heart."
I loved how you worded that. I was thinking 'hell I should have thought to said that in one of my poems'

"so sweet, you'd never guess it was fatal."
I was rolling around in the sexy man until you said the word fatal. I was like... wait what? what happen to Mr. Yummy? I really liked it though because you can take the word fatal and play with the story.
Fatal... like you fell so hard for him you were left hurt?
Fatal... As in now your trapped with him because he is so addicting?

I lean towards the second thought because that's how I read the poem.. But then I see the genre of the poem being sad. And I lean towards the first thought.

I hope you won the contest because truly enjoyed reading this.

5/5

It will take a while to catch my breath. T

The imagery in this poem is very sensual in a purely romantic way
I love it