Comments : Blinding Amber

  • 13 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Hey Azza:)

    This poem is beautiful, as always and you are still making progress:)

    I will vote and nominate now and come back later to make an extensive comment.

    Big hugs,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 13 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Amber ring,
    encompassed my pupil,
    hopelessly blinded;
    hypnotized to gaze
    at the scorching sun.

    ^^^
    This drew me in right away, awesome image: a man hypnotized and unable to look away whilst being blinded ( knowingly)

    My subconscious mind,
    detached me from the physical world,
    where my insatiable quest for love
    knows no boundaries;
    crossing borders, sea of poison.

    ^^
    Here it is again, you know what is happening, but you cannot stop reaching out. I absolutely love this line "where my insatiable quest for love knows no boundaries"

    In search of a distant memory,
    where our dreams once stood.

    ^^
    This makes me feel how this person you are speaking of is in a void and longs to have back what he lost ( his girl)

    Reclaiming the passion
    through small gulps of air.

    ^^
    Very unique and vivd imagery

    Overturning yellow grass,
    with daisies and wild roses.
    Multi-colored rainbow
    may once again appear
    over this luscious meadow.

    ^^
    A multicolored rainbow( happiness) over this luscious meadow ( you, still in your prime)
    All I can say is wow, awesome wording!

    Drought will be filled
    with pristine green ocean,
    where luminous coral reef
    will bloom from underneath.

    ^^
    The metaphors for hope are choses with care and it made me see a beautiful, beautiful things:) I love the word luminous.

    Empty spaces painted with vivid life;
    stroking euphoria in each darken spot.
    where beauty is defined
    yet visible only to the blind.

    ^^
    Waht you are saying here is that your life is empty without her, and you are the only one to see her for who she really is.

    Molecules of ecstasy,
    keeps me awake in this hallucination.
    Altering my mind to sleep
    (not now, not never)

    ^^
    I Would not have chosen the word "molecules"because it is not a very poetic word, maybe something like"waves of ecstacy" and also "keep" me awake ( singular), because the noun was plural.

    But when the sun sets,
    my soul transcends me back to reality,
    where my eyes are wrapped in fire;
    screaming to be extinguished.

    ^^
    The pain is so evident from these words...

    ...

    Knowing that it's worth the pain,
    just to think of you.

    ^^
    A very strong ending, and a message many romantic people will be able to relate to..only they know what it feels like to be this devoted to a lover.

    Azza, this piece is stunning, I love how you keep making progress in you work.

    A very, very well done done from me:)

    Ingrid

  • 13 years ago

    by The Queen

    You already know my thoughts on this partner :)

    Good Job!

  • 13 years ago

    by SantanaAkAMisLilOne

    I love this poem it was very beautiful a lot of feeling to it very nice ur a great writer keep it up

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    Donu what should i comment..u grabbed me with these words...and touched my soul...nice realy lovely...esp
    the ending Knowing that it's worth the pain,
    just to think of you

    5.5

  • 13 years ago

    by Daisy if you do

    I don't normally care for love poetry because it usually falls into the cliche stuff. You have used some imagery that was different. I enjoyed this piece very much. Take Care,
    Kay

  • 13 years ago

    by Lu

    Azzza I can not begin to tell you how much I love this piece ... but I will try.

    It is such an original piece. Your words paint imagery that is both colorful and impacting to the mind.

    Empty spaces painted with vivid life;
    stroking euphoria in each darken spot,
    where beauty is defined
    yet visible only to the blind.

    Waves of ecstasy,
    keep me awake in this hallucination.
    Altering my mind to sleep
    (not now, not never)

    ^^^^
    I could not choose 1 favorite part because both these stanzas were incredible and very had hitting.
    (not now, not never)
    ^^^
    The insertion of this line made this piece even more incredible and really gives the reader a feel of what the writer is feeling.

    Excellent read Azzza ... very worthy of the front pages, where I hope to see it tomorrow

  • 13 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    Holy cow this is fascinating
    And the worth the pain..thinking of you,
    Mister CLever and orginality!:)
    Well done!

  • 13 years ago

    by kelleyana

    Oh my, i am in love with your words. What i always love about your poems, is that they always captures my heart and attention. Beauty is indeed invisible to the blind. That's why, when we are truly in love, no matter how far that person is, His/her face engrave in our heart forever and even with eyes firmly closed we can reach out to such a beauty. I really love your writing style from the beginning. very well done as usual, kel.

  • 13 years ago

    by Lana

    You have certainly used your imagination to make this a love poem that stands apart from the norm.

    Amber ring,
    encompassed my pupil,
    hopelessly blinded;
    hypnotized to gaze
    at the scorching sun

    Your opening was so powerful and, as the subject in the verse was hypnotised, so to was I.

    Overturning pale yellow grass,
    with daisies and wild roses.
    Multi-colored rainbow
    may once again appear
    over this luscious meadow

    To dream of something that is gone but we feverantly wish we could still grasp is a horrible nightmare we have all lived through at some time in our lives.

    But when the sun sets,
    my soul transcends me back to reality,
    where my eyes are wrapped in fire;
    screaming to be extinguished.

    Great ending and, I actually felt a jolt as reality returned.

    This was a fantastic read, one I thoroughly enjoyed.

  • 13 years ago

    by quiet lullaby

    This is a great poem, its sad and raw, and beautiful and triumphant. It took me on a journey and stirred me within.

    You are a truely talented poet.
    Well done

  • 12 years ago

    by Just Me

    I really like how you can take your emotions and put them into something beautiful and raw like that.
    <3 Amazing Job Bud

  • 12 years ago

    by Cinnamonspice

    Love poems may be the hardest for one to write and be believable, they are over done and mostly cliche'
    Beauty and sadness held hands as they skipped through this magnificent piece of work
    Connie