Comments : Seasons Change.

  • 6 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    I just love everything about this poem..like all the lines and the word choice..there is nothing not love..

    you seemed like you have summed up for me..all the images of diff seasons through simple amazing words...

    I loved a lot this line in ur last stanza :
    undressing autumn.
    >>just loved it!

    autumn hibernates,
    saluting the chilled sun-
    ^^fabulous !!

    as fingertips become amputated-
    ^^^very descriptive over here

    well done
    and gd luck
    you do have a very special poetic side

    looks forward for the next piece
    5/5 sure lol

  • 6 years ago

    by Jad

    This was an excellent written poem that truly gave me the idea of Nature. Your amazing word choice along with your wonderful imagery really open up this poem in creating a portrait of what you were trying to tell us as the readers.

    "autumn hibernates,
    saluting the chilled sun-
    as fingertips become amputated-
    now comatose from winter's arctic caress,
    frosted scarf of powder
    dresses naked figures."

    This one verse as there were only two stood out to me a lot. The imagery is imply breathtaking and amazing, your personification and metaphors were great as well. Great job and keep writing.

  • 6 years ago

    by Soft Parade

    I think I have learned something new after reading your poem, i have reread it numerous times and love it more and more.

    You have a sublte way of describing the seasons which allow the reader to fully appreciated the smallest details in a wide range of situations. not an easy accomplishment.

    keep on writing, you are inspiring alot of writers with terrific poems like this one.

  • 6 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Amber leaves
    tumble from octopus limbs-
    as fire gallops onto kerosene pavements,
    alongside the death of empyrean skies-

    That is such a vivid picture of the sky and its
    atmosphere you have painted...very nice!

    wakening a rustic dusk fall,
    silencing remnants of summer days,
    undressing autumn.

    THis is another part I like on how you have described the beginning of autumn..beautiful picture!

  • 6 years ago

    by Sungrl And Mrs Whatsit

    "wakening a rustic dusk fall,
    silencing remnants of summer days,
    undressing autumn."
    the annually
    willing......

    Well-Done
    So Thoughtful...'-)

  • 6 years ago

    by abracadabra

    Ha, I remember this worthy poem from the contest. I feel it is one of the best ones submitted. There is colour, there is life, there is emotion. There is the strange and sensual notion of nature getting dressed and undressed- though this has been done before, I felt the way you structured the piece to highlight it was unique.
    My only critique is that you've crammed a few too many metaphors in there. Each of them are effective, but there are so many different ones that it enforces a sort of...masking effect, if you know what I mean. (But I understand how tempting it is, as a poet, to look at the wonder of nature and to personify it in every way.)
    Still, a very nice poem. Congratulations on coming runner up in a very tight contest. Hope to see your lovely works in the next one.

    abby

  • 6 years ago

    by sibyllene

    "Summer days/undressing autumn." Just lovely. I liked it in the contest, and it's still a treat to read. I also liked the concept of tree limbs like an octopus. It was a nice fresh image!

  • 6 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Amber leaves
    tumble from octopus limbs-"

    I just smiled with delight at this line, and to think it was the opening! It made me awww....such an innocent picture that makes me imagine young birds ready to fly from their nest. Stirring words.

    "as fire gallops onto kerosene pavements,
    alongside the death of empyrean skies-
    wakening a rustic dusk fall,
    silencing remnants of summer days,
    undressing autumn."

    Love that word "kerosene" is sophisticated and explosive in my mind.

    This was so divine, it just made me gasp again! The last line is perfect, two words that melt the heart with pleasure of the thought. What a way to describe the season.

    "autumn hibernates,
    saluting the chilled sun-
    as fingertips become amputated-
    now comatose from winter's arctic caress,
    frosted scarf of powder
    dresses naked figures. "

    Okay, these words were incredibly unique to place here, each creating a new spark I would have never thought of-

    The thought of autumn saluting the sun (chilling sun is quite tempting, the contradiction yet beauty is amazing) is very adorable in my eyes.

    The rest was thoughtfully tied in and could not have been more descriptive if you tried. It was the perfect amount to satisfy, I feel this piece is so fragile and enjoyable, I just have to read again.

    I think now what is so pleasurable is the way you chose your words and how you place two together that may seem incongruent but have an attraction of some sort. If that makes sense. It's effective, the way you use them.

    What a clever mind, you made my night with this one, I can still taste it on my tongue, the ink...it runs very deep.

    Thanks for penning dear!

    MaryAnne