Comments : Growing up

  • 7 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I really loved this, definitely something completely different. I loved the way you used the ocean, something big, as a metaphor to how insignificant you feel. Yet as a child you didn't realize how large it really was til you grew up. I thought your metaphor was very well thought out, this poem was definitely worth the read. I also liked the slight touch of sadness in the poem, the ending really struck me, I thought it was the perfect line. Everything blended together quite nicely & as for the 'i's' , I didn't really mind it a whole lot, it didn't take away from the poem for me at all. Simply wonderful write..

  • 7 years ago

    by Sungrl And Mrs Whatsit

    This piece is so authentic that I would not even consider
    a technical comment.....(rarely do anyway)
    Your, clearly deliberate, honesty here combined with your, clearly innate, and also clearly,cultivated
    abiity to take dictation from your inner pictures
    is touching and thought-povoking in this poem..

    I am moved to offer the following response/refrain to:

    "i never knew,
    how small and insignificant
    i could be."

    followed by (perhaps):

    I never knew,
    till now,how
    practicing the art
    of poetry could lead
    to a profoundly universal
    integration with my own soul
    thereby compensating and redeeming,
    fully,
    my perception
    of my sense of
    my own
    insignificance
    and I might come, perhaps, to have
    far more interest in keeping
    my balance
    wherever..

  • 7 years ago

    by Jessie

    I absolutely loved this. It really sums up a lot of things for me right now. It was emotional while reading it and i think my favourite part was "i once felt the footsteps
    of a little girl.
    i once walked in shoes
    smaller than my hands -"

    That (to me) really makes my heart skip a beat, because it makes me realize that yes, we are all children at one point, but it seems like someone elses life.

    Thank you for this,
    and if you ever get the chance, i would love for you to read some of mine,
    you have talen

    Jessie

  • 7 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Jane! Let me state the impression this poem has given me..but giving my opinion about U !!
    For as big as you think you are..and as much as you feel that time is slipping..allow me to say you are wrong..

    I have never ever thought I would find this amount of wisdom in your words.. This time that passed by obviously made out of you a very thoughtful young woman, with much potential and wisdom in her heart. You have realized what so many of us HUmans..never pay attention to. I admire your words ! Your thoughts

    and n bet the talent you have gained..which doesn't come that easy either..which proves my 1st point..time never slipped from ur hands, i think you have used each singe moment to learn something..till u reached here.

    I cant say more..nor i can express more how much I have truly loved everything u have said..and how much I and so many can relate to this.

    very deep wording, excellent word choice, perfect structure, a very deep writing, and honestly gr8 reading..

    THANK YOU..5/5 definitely

  • 7 years ago

    by sibyllene

    This is both beautiful and sad, Jane. It also felt very very true. I spent my childhood, my teen years, swarmed to the top with this feeling of impending adventure. And I just kept waiting and waiting and waiting, maybe when I turned 16, maybe when I turned 20. I moved across the state, I moved across the ocean, and I couldn't find it. And then I sit here, now, and wonder whether the truest feeling was the anticipation. Whether the adventure was being young and growing and waiting with that purity and eagerness and fire. Who knows.

    "once felt the footsteps
    of a little girl.
    i once walked in shoes
    smaller than my hands -
    i felt the ocean was something that
    would seem not so very big
    as i got bigger."

    These lines were gold. They felt like the heart of the poem, along with the conclusion of the third stanza. A potent and complicated feeling, and you captured it with skill, grace and a heavy sense of melancholy.

  • 7 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Jane,

    I understand what you are trying to say here, I can understand you are overwhelmed by the infinate chaos called life and the inablility to do justice to all things that seem to demand your attention and to follow all directions your heart seems to want to go, for you only have one life and so many hours in the day. I also understand that you may seem to be small, but you are not, you will become meaningless, when you start living as though you are. The only difference between "big"and "little"people is how they see themselves and the way they make use of their specific talents. We are all made to shine, so are you. Look deep inside and bring out the best in you. We all matter!

    Good work!

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 7 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    Original, and brilliant. A masterpiece of words that makes one think and reflect on ones own life . I can truely say this is one amazing poem that will go straight to my favorites.
    Brilliant

  • 7 years ago

    by trippetta TC

    Beautiful, it actually put into words how i have felt recently, but haven't been able to express.

  • 7 years ago

    by Jad

    This was indeed a thought provoking poem and I was transfixed on the poem from the very beginning to the end. Your simple word choice was good from what I could see as you told the story of growing up in a very mature way and the metaphors in which you wrote this piece is great as it gave the poem clarity.

    "i once felt the footsteps
    of a little girl.
    i once walked in shoes
    smaller than my hands -
    i felt the ocean was something that
    would seem not so very big
    as i got bigger.
    i once stood in valleys,
    looking up and
    wondering,
    wishing,
    waiting
    for my time to grow."

    This I would have to say is my favorite line as it gave the poem a good synopsis of what the writer is feeling and how they are looking at the big picture of everything. It also gives the reader a sense of wondering as to how they have spent their younger years and though I am still young I still wonder what it will be like once I get to that point and look down on my younger years. Overall a wonderful job and a good thought provoking poem. Great job and keep writing.

  • 7 years ago

    by Lu

    Congrats on the weekly win Jane.

    Very deserving win.

    Most times that many " ì`s" in a verse would cause me to pull my hair out and scream a great big Auggggggggg .... lol

    But in this piece it created the complete opposite. The addition of the lower case i ... was very clever in my opinion.
    It really grabs the readers attention and draws them in to the write ... making one WANT to know why the poet chose such.

    You created quite the attention grabbing imagery as well. And for some crazy reason I felt myself sitting here thinking back to the past as well.

    That is indeed the working of a great masterpiece ....
    the reader ... stops ... reads ... thinks ... remembers

    A poem well worth remembering has definitely made its mark on the reader.

    Congrats again !

  • 7 years ago

    by Lu

    Most times that many ... i's ... in a verse

    ^^^
    I meant. Don't know why it turned out the way it did in my above comment *shrugs shoulders*
    It appears my comp has a mind of its own ... lol

  • 7 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Wow... this poem is amazing! So well-written and heartaching... I could relate to this poem.. I love the imagery you've created.. Such a well-constructed poem! And I loved the use of the uncapitalized i's to emphasize insignificance! You're a very talented writer and congratulations on the win! you deserve it :) Well done!!

  • 6 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    "i once felt the footsteps
    of a little girl.
    i once walked in shoes
    smaller than my hands -"

    ^
    I am,absolutely inlove with these,
    as soon as I reached this stanza
    my mind went to the song
    "I hope you dance"
    by lee-ann womack.. don't know if you have ever heard it but it fits perfectly with this.
    I love the thought of the shoes you once walked in being smaller than your hands are now, it was very clever.

    it also makes it really nostalgic too,
    sometimes we tend to think that nothing is changing ever, and next thing we know we need new shoes,because those we have don't fit anymore.

    "i felt the ocean was something that
    would seem not so very big
    as i got bigger."

    the song, I mentioned above has this verse

    "I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the oceans,whenever one door closes I hope one more opens"

    I loved these lines as well,
    it kind of makes me think as you being a little ignorant..and thinking that you'd be as big as the ocean one day, or well Ignorant sounds mean.. more like innocent, yes innocent.
    its very childlike to think that are going to be huge.. I've felt it too..

    i once stood in valleys,
    looking up and
    wondering,
    wishing,
    waiting
    for my time to grow."

    ^
    the imaginary here is so crystal clear and wonderful,and it makes you think deeply
    the same kind of deep thinking one does when we are like standing on hills or so,
    its a weird feeling really,all these thoughts suddenly invade the mind when you feel just a little bit taller..

    I can see why this has a win,
    what a pity I didn't read it sooner
    but the insignificance was obvious,
    you were feeling like you've grown
    but this world is still way bigger than you..

    what a touching,heartmelting write..

    I am so inlove.
    well done..

    poems about growing are always a little
    too hard on me,I get teary..

    beautiful,beautiful.

  • 5 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Yap..I <3 it the way I love I RISE by Maya Ang.

  • 5 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Will always come back to read this...just love it ..

  • 5 years ago

    by Nema

    Beautiful. I agree with Nana, and also it really reminded me of the poem "Do not stand at my grave and weep".

    Write on~
    =)

  • 5 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    :)
    <3

    an all the time favorite poem

  • 5 years ago

    by Decayed

    I'll thank Nana for showing me this. I think I wasn't a member of the site when you wrote it....

    WOW. Such poems are rare to find. I just love those with reality in them... dramatic, but not over... and has this tone of sadness that moved me like hell!

    Brilliant

  • 3 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    I was here again.. <3

  • 7 months ago

    by Thelma

    What! WOW.
    Seriously, how could I miss reading this? I'm honestly speechless.