Ice Cream Parlor Blues

by Ronald Edwards   Oct 16, 2010


Our Stout Portly Lil Mother is played by Roseanne Barr and the Ice Cream Clerk is Robert DeNiro

In walks a stoutly woman,
with her stoutly kids.
Knocking over everything
napkins, cups and lids.

Mommy I want,
Mommy I need,
give me something new.

Ill stamp and shout,
hold my breath,
till I turn all blue.

Shes heard these rants
from her kids,
it always is the same.

She first says no,
then they beg,
to them its just a game.

Turning to the counter,
standing tippy toes,
this portly lil mother
begins her mundane prose.

Give me one vanilla,
sprinkles on the top,
and for my other child
hell take a chocolate pop.

Sorry madame says the clerk,
This I cannot do.
We are all out of chocolate.
What else can I get for you?

Give me one blueberry,
sprinkles on the top,
and for my other child
hell take a chocolate pop.

With a stare
the clerk replies,
I guess I wasnt clear.

So Ill repeat
what I just said
louder for you to hear.

Sorry madame repeats the clerk,
This I cannot do.
We are all out of chocolate.
What else can I get for you?

Give me one strawberry,
sprinkles on the top,
and for my other child
he'll take a chocolate pop.

Lady let me ask you,
can you spell a word for me?
Spell the straw in strawberry.
she spelled it easily.

Lady please another one,
can you spell for me?
Spell the blue in blueberry.
she spelled it hastily.

Now fuming cause her little brats
thrashed out of control.
I said there was one more to ask,
to please her was my goal.

Lady let me ask you,
can you spell a word for me?
Spell the f__k in chocolate.
confused she looked at me.

My dear man, I cannot spell
this word you ask of me.
There is no f__k in chocolate.
she said in quite dismay.

I shall say again
for the last time,
please listen what I say.

There is no f__king chocolate,
take your kids
and go away !

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Latest Comments

  • 6 years ago

    by Allan Padgham

    I keep coming back to this one...........

  • 6 years ago

    by JaM

    Ohh, that is too funny. It was just as good as a book to me, when I find something interesting I like, I always read the last line before I get to it cause I'm excited, lol and this poem did just that. I spoiled it for myself by not reading in order, it was that good-really funny. haha Thank you very much!!

  • 7 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    LMAO
    Can I have a chocolate one please :-0

  • 7 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Funny and I wonder how many clerks behind counters feel this way.