Comments : A Childhood Dream

  • 6 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    I was running like a ghost
    that had seen the eyes of the devil.
    ^^another poem,with very direct opening stanza,,,I LOVe it..this had to chill me from the beginning , I do love the scary image of someone that's running out of fear. For one reason: cause u described it so well

    I was full in flight, alone
    in the woods on a wintry evening.
    I was waiting to see
    just what it was I was running from.
    ^^^^I think the wording is just amazing , and simple..yet deep. what a mix, for a very sad poem " Obviously"..am sinking in a depressed mood the more am reading, cause wen ever I finish a line, it gets sadder, and All i can do is relate to the title, and remember that these are all about a child! BITTER

    There were swirls of mist swarming
    the footsteps I left on the
    down-trodden earth.
    ^^wow this is perfect, amazing word choice and just incredible usage of vocabe

    There were stars blocked out by
    the blackness of the forest;
    ^^again such a very well thought of line! I can see and smell darkness by these lines. Imagine?

    I was hidden beneath
    a canopy of
    redwood -
    gray in the frozen night air.
    >>>Jane...incredible, really incredible..
    I felt llike its such an unpleasant nightmare esp wen i came across the stanza after it..was written in a tricky way..!

    Wolves.? indeed a dark poem

    None were so fearsome
    as their leader:
    The white wolf of my dreams.

    He haunts me still
    some nights.

    ^^Oh man..my god..i think the way you chose to end this dark SAD, poem is really shocking, and depressing, and VERY strong.!

    there is always something deep behind each poem you write! this one gave me thoughts about a child who got night mares..fears or what ever we want to call it, that haunts him/her still as a grown up.
    Can't see what's darker and sadder!

    5/5!

  • 6 years ago

    by Jad

    I have to say by far this is one of your poems that I like the most. The way you have told this in a form of a story is wonderful and I really liked the idea of being a child in the vast wilderness being stalked by wolves. This was indeed as Nana said a great story which also gave me the idea of a child having a nightmare or something similar. Anyway back to the poem itself. I liked the way how you broke up the stanzas as it gave the poem a good flow and contributed to the captivation. Even so this poem had my glued to it from the moment I started until I finish.

    "Then it came like a gust of wind
    full in the face
    as I watched from confines
    of a shadowy subconscious,
    floating helplessly with
    a frenzied
    heart."

    This was my favorite stanza as it finally gives ideas as to what it is the writer is trying to flee from and also the imagery is remarkable. I was impressed by how you described the world around you and also the great word choice you have in this poem. So all in all this was a great poem which will be added to my favorites :] So great job and keep writing.

  • 6 years ago

    by Sungrl And Mrs Whatsit

    Really appreciated the graphic clarity here...
    "ball-point eyes"...Yikes!
    "Big as baby moose"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    sooo glad you got away..'-)

    Not to be glib in the face of wolves (!) but, just have to say:
    at about 9, my daughter dreamed that many numbers were chasing her as she ran shrieking down our street...
    she, too, 'Remembers'....to this day..

    The ironic twist for her is that she has worked in a bank
    (a virtual palace of numbers, one Could say)
    through most of her 30s..we do chuckle..