A Letter to Wendy

A Letter to Wendy
#79
July 2001
Hello Wendy

How is my favorite niece, neighbor, and unfortunately, fellow inmate doing today? I would like to believe better than yesterday, but not as good as tomorrow. Well since yesterday has gone, and tomorrow has yet to arrive, let's talk about today.
Today I am smiling, because I get to visit (on paper) with you. This (big) smile on my face is incarcerated along with the rest of my body, but once you realize that the systems control is limited to the physical, then you discover that the rest of you is free.
Try as they do, they can't arrest my mind, first of all they never know just where it's at. And it moves so fast, I have a hard time keeping up with it myself (ha ha)
It seems like life is always throwing emotional road blocks in front of us like, discouragement, despair, depression, deprivation,
anger, loneliness, misunderstanding, anxiety, guilt, and many, more . Do you recognize any of them? Yea, I thought so!
I think that you are enough like me, or you've been around enough to know them by name, face, sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, and feel. Especially feel huh!
I just wanted to let you know that it doesn't have to be that way. It's all in how you approach those road blocks! First of all don't stop to pick any of them up, to move them out of the way, or you will find that they have all just jumped in the car with you! The car is now so full that there is barely room for you,
and they are yelling lets go, we are ready to roll.
Then when they finally get you wore down, they are saying let me drive.! Before you know it, you are in the back seat, just along for the ride ! Wendy, do me a favor, walk over to your jail cell mirror and see who is there , and give her a big smile.
There now! You feel better now! Don't you!
Who did you see? Did you see a mother of three, with eyes so full of love, that nothing can overcome, or ever take away because nothing is stronger than pure love! Now look over your shoulder at all of those problems that you were just facing.
and ask yourself, are they stronger than me?
I don't think so! You probably think you are right Uncle Jim, But I am tired of this, I am lonely and I miss my children, I just want to go home and be with them, and hold them tight and never let go! But you have to honestly ask yourself, who do you really want raising your children?
Do you want the worse of the mother that you have been? Or the best of the mother that you can be?
Wendy I am not trying to tell you that you have been a bad mother, but I love you so much , that I have to tell you , that you have not been good to Wendy. But believe it or not, right now you are in the best place to do just that! Right now your loss is so strong that you are realizing depths that you did not know existed.
But you have to realize you still have your children,
and this is just a wakeup call!
Believe me (you know that I know) when you find yourself with no access to your own children, your present unimaginable depths of pain, will feel like a blessing ( of opportunity ) that you will pray to
God, lord, take me back to that chastisement of love that I was experiencing those days in my cell. I realize now that it was just an opportunity to grow, to rely on only you. I realize now that if I continue on, that you will be all that I have.
Wendy, I believe that you know exactly what I mean, because you were filled with the Holy Spirit when you were a little girl,
I have not. (But give me time) Well that is what God is giving you. Time and opportunity. A chance to learn, through experience to be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you! 1 Thessalonians 5 16-18
I am not saying that it is God's will for you to be in jail. what I am saying is that it is God's will, that you arrive at a point in your life, that you learn to surrender to , and depend upon him. We both
know that he has so much in store for us, not only more than we can give ourselves, but more than we can imagine. Isn't it amazing
how he will follow us to any depth that we choose to occupy, to be there , to lift us up, if we only ask. Wendy you know that he will guide us in our every step . All that we have to do is, listen, believe, and obey. If we listen to his guidance, (Which we should pray for each morning) then he will tell us which
step that we should take. You see he does the guiding and we do the stepping.
Well that is about all of the spiritual guidance I can give you because I am not a spiritual leader for you to follow. Now if you want to talk about mistakes,
that you might call my area of expertise,
and the good thing about mistakes is that you get to learn from them.
One thing that I've learned is that it is usually the wrong attitude that gets you in trouble. Therefore the right attitude will not only get you, but help keep you out of trouble, that puts us back at the beginning of our letter.
You see your emotions come from your attitude.
Attitude is something that you choose. No one can give it to you, and no one can take it away. They can do things to you to make you want to change your attitude, but the choice is still yours. Wendy, the best way that I have found to change your attitude,
is to change the way that you look at life.
Every time something happens to you that you don't like, spend that time trying to find a positive aspect in your situation, then you build a positive attitude.
You will be amazed at how much strength that you get from trying to turn a negative into a positive. It's the only way of survival that I have found to be not only successful, but also beneficial.
By Turning My Wounds Into Wisdom. !
An unfinished letter Due to her early release