Comments : Diamond in the Dark

  • 13 years ago

    by Beautiful Chaos

    Great work here Lu, I thought it all flowed nicely together and you had some good vocab, I did not even mind the repeat, it fit nicely. Excellent job!

  • 13 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    Omg,I fell inlove with this the very first time I read it,there is just this thing about it,maybe the way I read it in my mind,just so beautiful so so beautiful,I will always come back to this! Very well done lu very well done <3

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    I love the title..very catchy and poetic..
    I feel llike this poem is so familiar (gd sign ) ..or that you have wrote it in a way that many ppl can relate to it ( even a better sign :P )

    Dearest,
    see me not as foolish
    ^^^I just loovee these lines..love this opening..

    Be it betrayal
    brings face, of a thousand smiles
    yet a million lies.

    ^^deep wording, not lines that we usually see..i would suggest taking off the comma b4 of..i read it without it..and the pace was really better.. or place one after smiles.. stopping there gave me a gd impact as well.

    II.

    Dearest,
    hear me not as an echo
    ^^I looove this one..very inspiring..and i got thoughts for a totally new poem..when I reached it

    Be it that water
    seemingly silent, may flow
    sensually with power.

    ^^very strong Luanne..very strong..
    I have no idea from where you bring these expressions..u have such a creative mind. I love that (me like you) bring up nature , to serve your messages.

    III.

    Dearest,
    touch me not with feeble words
    (again..i love the lines that you are wording over here...u have no idea how much inspiring)

    Be it that solitude, brings
    no promise upon the horizon
    of a drowning soul.
    ^^very touchy, tender, and deep. I sighed as well...the words are so close for the soul..I love your..emotional side

    IV.

    Dearest,
    lead me not by fraying strings

    Be it that a puppeteer's fool,
    dangles hopelessly
    by illusions of passion.
    ^^^i love the word u used..was new for me..and dangles as much as the word passion are some of my favorites to read in a poetry.
    >and u used them in a very creative way.

    _
    V

    Dearest

    Our destiny -
    Be it not, a diamond
    in the dark ...

    ^^really really if u take a diamond down beside in the dark,,to be one complete line..it would have a gr8test impact..cause WOOOOOW..our destiny ?..how i love love love the way u kept that for the very last words by you!!

    a brilliant piece..nothing nothing at all that is ever off, when reading your poems!

    5/5 definitely

  • 13 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Dearest,
    lead me not by fraying strings

    Be it that a puppeteer's fool,
    dangles hopelessly
    by illusions of passion.

    ^^
    I can truly understand these words, and the emotions behind them, a sad result of being around long enough to know better than to believe in fairy tales..nevertheless..I do believe all of us have one person meant for us, but that person is imperfect, as we all are:)

    Well done, crazy chickie, I never would have guessed this was your work:)

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 13 years ago

    by Nee

    The ending...I LOVE IT!!
    I have terribly missed reading your poetry and you always prove to me you are just as good as always =)
    I love the word "dearest" in poetry, to me it shows no ordinary emotions, it is deep!
    Lovely penned honey =) You can say I'm back here, but only reading/writing/commenting..not in clubs nor forums..

    Miss you <3

  • 13 years ago

    by Sungrl And Mrs Whatsit

    Bravo.

  • 13 years ago

    by Cindy

    Luanne
    Once again you have penned a beautiful piece.
    Excellent job!
    Love Cindy