Comments : Betrayal of the Heart

  • 13 years ago

    by Katy

    I ABSOLUTLY LOVE IT!!!!!!

  • 13 years ago

    by jescelle

    Great process of an emotion that's really hard to explain! Nice work!
    This stanza's rhythm was a little off
    "Im scared of what Im thinking
    Im scared of what Ill do
    if I follow this yearning
    that my mind thinks of too."
    Maybe you could go about it like this: "If I follow this lustful yearning, That my mind considers too." It would add flow. Also you might want to add punctuation and capitalize the beginning of each line to clean it up. Otherwise I love it!

    My favorite part was this one:
    "My mind tries to remind me
    Of what I have to lose
    while you remind me of my gain
    if its your path I chose."
    Overall nicely done!