Lydia's Gait

by Daisy if you do   Feb 9, 2011


Residue of memories
Hidden in my thoughts
For what it was and will be
Efforts lead to naught

Lie upon the cliffs of Dover
Where mist becomes my tears
Cleansing lament's leavings
With sentiments as souvenirs

Ride upon the train of pardon
Through valleys of the woe
O'er mountain tops and hillsides
To find myself and grow

Tousle my hair with daisies
In fields of gathered green
Dress myself in mossy oak
After bathing in Tilla's stream

Lullabies from common loon
Cry through claps of thunder
Ethereal melodies of sparrow
Rouse me from my slumber

Where canopies of banyans
Become the skies decor
And gnarly trunks become
An entrance to my cellar door

Lend my sight to pulchritude
My ears to natures birth
Riveted in heroic scale
The proportion of her worth

Northern lights as backdrop
Stage the camel's dance
Deja vu of fantasy
Or just a dream perchance...

Melinda Kay Carpenter

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  • 12 years ago

    by Blissful

    There was a whimsical essence to this poem that I really enjoyed.

    "Cleansing lament's leavings
    With sentiments as souvenirs"
    ^The alliteration here was great! It felt so naturally and flowed off my tongue when I read it out loud. It added a nice touch to the whole poem.

    "Tousle my hair with daisies
    In fields of gathered green
    Dress myself in mossy oak
    After bathing in Tilla's stream"
    ^Great use of imagery! I love the whole "one with nature" vibe here. Your choice of words were flawless to set the nice.

    I liked how you left the ending as kind of a cliffhanger with nothing certain. Leaves it to the reader to interpret it however they please. I love poetry like that because it allows the person to see themselves in the words.

    Nicely done!

  • 13 years ago

    by Kiko

    I really enjoyed reading this. The language is very exotic, and the images are crisp and vivid. The scenery you present feels like it came right out of the tales of Robin Hood.

    As for critique,
    "For what is was and will be"
    I think this line needs a couple of commas:
    "For what is, was, and will be"
    Or possibly change it to:
    "For what once was and might well be"

    Also, the meter is inconsistent throughout this lovely piece. If you worked on the meter a bit, it would improve the flow, and this poem would be even more extraordinary. :)

  • 13 years ago

    by Cindy

    Kay
    Again your pen has worked wonders. This is such a gem :) I'm so glad I got to read this.
    Love Cindy

  • 13 years ago

    by Bradley Peter

    A well written piece, but I think it was a little too abstract for me, too wide. However, I did like your use of language, and the way you played with your words. My favourite stanza has to be the third, because I felt it had the strongest rhythm.

    Brad

    P.S. Thank you for commenting on my poem 'Not How Things Are Supposed To Go'.

    P.P.S. PLease comment and vote honestly on every poem you read.

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