Withering Away

What a gloomy perspective, Austin. I do hope we will somehow overcome this period of destruction, before it is really too late..but you are right, slowly but surely the damage is becoming almost irrepairable:(

A really, really sad poem, but well written, son.

5/5 Ingrid

Austin
You have painted very vivid images for the readers mind. I love when you read a poem and can see things like the writer sees them.
Great job!
*hugs
Cindy

Decaying fragments of roses,
alight on the parched ground and
eventually blow away with the wind
into fragments of forgotten dust
^Id change this a bit as your flow has become lost from stanza one to two. I'll leave it up to you on how to make a better transition because I don't want to change your whole poem for you. However I can suggest maybe leaving a dash or something after the first stanza, or something with less of a "abrupt stop" so that you can use a word in front of 'decaying' in stanza two to help connect it better. I would however rewrite this stanza like this for now:

"Decaying fragments of roses,
alight on the parched ground,
eventually blow away with the wind,
into particles of forgotten dust."

^Of course just a suggestion.

Don't think the apostrophe is needed after 'alas' I could be wrong though.

The flow is a bit rocky for me, at least the few times I read it I couldn't seem to find a rhythm. I loved your comparison of nature being stripped of its colors yet still comparing it to something in nature - that being a desert, it made much sense.

I like how at the beginning you're speaking of all the colors being taken away, everything basically breaking down already into debris and such and then everything is decomposed, leaving nothing. A nice ending there, with the graveyard idea.

I think all your poem really needs is a bit of an adjustment on the flow otherwise you've got something nice here!

Transformation between seasons is not a pretty picture by any means, but the images your words provide us, almost make it beautiful. Good job.

"Nature is slowly stripped
of its glorious colors,
resembling a barren desert
deprived of life and nourishment."

^^^ "Resembling a barren desert deprived of life and nourishment". Amazing. Those lines make me absolutely speechless.

"Decaying fragments of roses,
alight on the parched ground and
eventually blow away with the wind
into fragments of forgotten dust."

^^^ Wow. This line is like taking a punch to the gut. Not in a bad way, it's just guilt and nostalgia coming back to give me a good kick in the rear. But anyway, I enjoyed the imagery you described in this stanza. "Eventally blow away with the wind into fragments of forgotten dust." Wow wow wow wow wow. That was amazing. I can't really make a witty comment on it. It was just good.

"Alas' all is lost as decomposition
overtakes the once lush forest,
transforming it into a graveyard of
times past overtaken by humanity."

^^^ The way you ended this was spectacular. It reminds me of something that was said in The Matrix. Have you ever seen that/those movies? The quote was something like humans acted much like a virus and we'd destroy everything that landed in our path. Meh. I can't remember the exact thing, and looking it up makes me feel like a loser. Lol. Sorry if you're a big Matrix fan and I said that all wrong. Once again, nice imagery. Oh! You're diction was great too, the way you put it all together made my mouth drop. I'm just kidding, that would be sorta cool though. All kidding aside, this stanza was my favorite.

Saw you around, and thought "Hey! Why not?" So. I did. And Honestly, commenting on this poem made me nervous. I saw some of the comments that you wrote on Captain Rania's poems, and you intimidate me. Not that you needed to know that, just felt like saying it.

But anyway, back to your poem. You did a very good job. I haven't really read any nature poems, and if I start reading them, all the rest have some big shoes to fill because you did a marvelous job with this. I can't wait to read some more of your work.
5/5
Keep Writing,
Erna