How i feel<3

I sit here with my thoughts,

screaming whispers into my ears,

i only heard what i wanted,

i denied my fears.

Itried so hard , but what do i have to show?

theres more truth to this,

ill just never let you know.

i tried to stop this inner confliction.

i realized to destroy myself,

to numb this pain is an addiction.

I'm hurt, but i am stronger.

but i don't know i can

can do this much longer.

but i push on, with nothing

to believe in, maybe just myself.

I'm past the point of saving.

to misery I'm enslaved in.

this life i have chosen,

will bring me to my grave.

I know you cant watch me,

and not have nothing to say?

But don't think I'm aware,

I know life isn't fair,

hide and seek is a game

we just cant play,

with ignorance, theres a price to pay.

Freedom is never really free,

I'm afraid of who i cant be,

something more than

a forgotten soul.

If theres better, ill guess ill
never know.

but I'm just about to touch the ground,

but in this search i think i may have found,

a silent whisper can be so loud,

and in myself i do not believe,

i can do better, if left up to me.

what i can do best.

is mess up and destroy

every bit of trust.

Into my own habits,

i find i heavily lust.

but look past the fake smile

you see, maybe you can catch a glimpse

of me, the only thing that i know,

it gets harder with every step i choose,

nothing to gain, nothing to loose.

and I'm afraid, I think i might actually like this abuse.