Comments : Nocturnal.

  • 13 years ago

    by Jad

    A poem that I found to be different from what you normally write and I am glad to see that you are writing on different topics then the same ones you usually do. Your good at changing topics though so I'm not complaining! :] Your poem holds a good message, that I got better after you explained it to me, and also makes a lot of sense. You had some really good metaphors as usually and you kept the poem lively with your descriptions.

    "for I dangle from sleepless constellations
    yet never shaking shriveled thoughts free
    that stiffen the sunrise
    as I forever remain restless
    with a hangover of mixed signals."

    A very good stanza that really stood out to me. I like the way you are describing certain things in this poem and how you can mean more then one thing in your lines. Very creative and deep as always. The flow was really good as well and it didn't seem to make any break ups anywhere. Kept up at a good steady pace.

    In all, I think you are doing great writing on topics like this. A feeling of being so tired and not wanting to continue on. A interesting outlook in some situations. :] You have a lot of talent and I am glad you are using it to the best of your ability and not just writing some half heartedly. Great job and keep writing.

  • 13 years ago

    by Blissful

    I loved everything about this until I came to the final line..

    "this potpourri of confusion. "
    ^ I don't like 'potpourri' it adds nothing to your poem and only makes the flow rigid and choppy. That words is already a mouthful to pronounce and only adds unneeded weight to your final line. The ending should have blown me away because you started so flawlessly but I was left a bit disappointed. Nonetheless I enjoyed it.