I think this is a very lovely poem. One problem and I'm sure you guessed it. The length. When you have a poem as long as your every word needs to be there. Every word needs to evoke some kind of emotion out of the reader. I think you had a lot of filler words that can be easily removed. It was very verbose which I think takes away from what's most important about this piece, the emotion. If I were you I'd drop the ryhme, use some shorter syntax and a little less filler words and this poem would be even more beauitful than it is now. Great imagery and diction. I can tell this came from the heart. Thanks for sharing. -Nik

Wow!! I really really enjoyed this poem...lady Nik totally took my comment. I think some filler words could go that could make the syllable count a little better which helps with the flow..

But the over all poem was very nice! The fact that you tell her to dream of whatever you want and you'll dream that you can love and help as many people as possible and all that cutesy stuff was really adorable to me...

Your descriptions were very nicely written as well!

Many thanks for your comments, sorry I've been away for a little while writing a new one :) I'll try take this on board, one of my weaknesses is the length! I rarely write poems about/for actual people, but this one was written for someone- so the emotion that I hope came across is real :)
Is there a specific poem that you would like me to comment on? :)

Thomas,

This is beautiful and full of emotion that you cam truly feel.

Em