Comments : Conquered.

  • 13 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Temps,

    I've told you already that I found this poem to be stunning because
    of the emotion that poured from the poem. I know you felt it wasn't upto your standards but you know what it had elements that are needed to create a great poem. This is one that is a favorite by you simply because I know what you were wanting to portray here and you did a lovely job at getting your point across even though it was bittersweet and i'm sure difficult for you to do so.

    Sometimes we find that things don't go as we like, and we can become caged by certain memories or someone, this is evident in your poem and I found myself relating to it. You are a great person and I hope that you are able to overcome any obstacles that are thrown your way in life wether related to this poem or not.

    "Do you realize,
    this only brings me further
    from closure?"

    This was the part that captured me most, it was so delicate and written in such saddness.

    A lovely poem that I hope all do read.
    -Mel

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    I agree with the last part by Britt, sometimes we are the ones who hurt ourselves and we blame it on others because they dont feed out hunger; but once again it's not their responsibility to..the one way for the river of painn to dry is to blame our current, not someone elses tide..when we come to realize that we are the ones responsible for both our happiness and hurt, only then we are free from this hurt..

    for more details bout the piece, i think these are the best poems by you when you draw the way you feel, not feel the way you draw..

    and here you poured your emotions ..in a very sad way, and touching one:

    however your 1st stanza needs a bit of punctuation u know..like if even couple of commas..to pause where it was actually needed

    Do you realize,
    this only brings me further
    from closure?
    ^^
    maybe u should say

    how this only brings me further
    from closure..
    add the word "how" adds a bit more sense..
    however this spoke to me loudly, too.

    For you are everywhere I go
    and everything I used to be.
    ^^
    very touchy..

    You've damaged me
    deeper than times before
    ^^
    add a comma
    for I cannot escape your choke hold
    on my emotions -
    I have strength no more.

    A strong ending..i love this piece,but hope to change the way u are thinking.
    well done
    5/5

    You've conquered me.

  • 13 years ago

    by Nikki

    I love this! explains my feelings right to the core!