Comments : Captive.

  • 13 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Simple but still very well written. Love all the metaphors and how they paint a perfect picture of what you're going through. I can picture someone trying to get to a better place but every step is a different struggle. This is a sad piece indeed but one I enjoyed reading a lot. Glad to see you haven't lost your touch. :] -Nik

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    I think you have done a very good job over here, your emotions are being freely expressed in most of your new poems, and that's making them really catchy and adorable ... although they are metaphorical, but not overly done ..

    this was my favorite part:

    I'm left with a swollen heart
    while burrs become weaved in my hair,
    for what used to be meadows
    ^^^
    this is absolutely amazing jacey..i was left speechless...PERFECT images.

    of wildflowers is now like that of
    a barren desert as I stumble over cacti
    in every path before me.
    ^^^
    splendidddddd imagination, I so LOVE <3 these lines, they are

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    ^^^
    well expressed

    (lol)

  • 13 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Temps,

    I liked the way you described emotion here, the idea of bumblees and swollen hearts gave me the impression of allergic reaction, I guess because Zach is allergic to Bees and that's why I use the metaphor in my work on occasion.

    The use of nature within this piece is stunning, thistle? I haven't heard that word in a long time and I thought it had a whisper to it, so throughout the poem I kept hearing a whispering in my head while reading it which worked well with the whispering pain your emotions were presenting me.

    I liked the contrasting image of the desert and the wild flowers, I got the image of a forest from the bees, wild flowers, thistle so when it constrasted against the desert I felt as though it was a metaphor for something drying up, or ending, such as love or a relationship. Basically I got the idea of change from this poem.

    I can't find any flaws within this poem, and I can't pick a favorite part because I believe each word, stanza of yours tie together to give the impact they do. This was a lovely poem.

    -Mel