The Requiem

by Jad   Apr 5, 2011


Death consumes the mind
as fear decays what is left inside,
binding footprints to leave behind
not a memory but a graveyard.

The Requiem.

Voices shatter silence in whispers,
repenting that which is forgotten
at the remembrance of your name
where tears now forsake meaning.

The Requiem.

Looking up and seeing nothing,
you have forgotten how to see and
perhaps you have forgotten how to breathe
for you lay there so quietly.

The Requiem.

5


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Latest Comments

  • 6 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Death consumes the mind
    as fear decays what is left inside,
    ^Take out 'the' before mind.. and I would say 'as fear decays what is left within' not inside.

    not a memory but a graveyard.
    ^Comma after memory, maybe?

    One last note is that I wasn't really feeling the repetition of 'The Requiem' at all. It does help with the flow in a way however, because if you did take it out.. there would be no flow whatsoever.. but then again I do feel like it disrupts what is there for some reason. Sorry, just wasn't a huge fan of it.

    You have an alright piece here though. I would so enjoy you coming up with some stronger metaphors and trying to weave them into your poems. You can't make a writer change their style however, so it's all up to you. I would definitely enjoy something with a little more creativity. But for what it is, you've done an okay job.

  • 6 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Death consumes the mind
    as fear decays what is left inside,

    This is such a strong opening to your poem. It
    sets the mood and the emotion of this poem!

    Looking up and seeing nothing,
    you have forgotten how to see and
    perhaps you have forgotten how to breathe
    for you lay there so quietly

    This stanza says it all..it buries a deep sense of loss and pain within the reader..all in all an excellent write.

  • 6 years ago

    by End Of Eternity

    This is so deep, so sad, so very well expressed.

    Death consumes the mind
    as fear decays what is left inside,
    binding footprints to leave behind
    not a memory but a graveyard.

    I just loved this stanza, outstanding write friend.

    all the best and take care

  • 6 years ago

    by Cindy

    Austin
    What a sad and moving poem. It brings so much emotion to the mind with every word read.
    Excellent job!
    Love Cindy

  • 6 years ago

    by Sylvia

    As my mother use to say, this conjers up some powerful images for me. It is sad, strong, a sense loss, anger, plenty of emotions and feelings to go around. I can see a person delievering these words with a sense of superority, sneering at the person they are talking to. None of these makes sense I am sure but it is such mixture of emotion, it is difficult to describe. Well done.