Comments : The Requiem

  • 6 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    I was waiting for a new poem from the poet who's mostly the inspiration of my work LOL
    And ya I was no disapointed, Austin, this is wonderful work..
    let me just tell you what I loved about this piece..

    I loved that it was written by you, that it was sad, that you used amazing expressions..
    that it was very deep,
    that the wexpressions you came up with touched me badly like you have always done..that the repetition of The Requeim was VERY VERY VERY VERY strong, and if you got sugestions on removing them, I hope you dont..they are perfect or your piece!

    the only thing I hate is that u took so much time to write us a piece:(,
    anyway

    Death consumes the mind
    as fear decays what is left inside,
    binding footprints to leave behind
    not a memory but a graveyard.

    ^^
    that was a very very strong opening stanza, with
    perfect punctuation, as fear decays what is left inside? this is the perfect description, and made me think of what are we really leaving behind...
    and how u said not a memory but a G.yard was heartbreaking... you better send me a pm now and tell me if this is about someone real k? am waiting :P

    The Requiem.
    ^i swearrr, whenever
    ii read this line, after each stanza.. I felt am there
    and as if i was listening..it's so sad!

    Voices shatter silence in whispers,

    ^
    PERFECT!! wonderful

    repenting that which is forgotten
    at the remembrance of your name
    where tears now forsake meaning.
    ^
    heartbreaking, utterly sad, am so damn touched,
    cant believe what you have written, repenting is wonderful to be used here, and how the tears now forsake meaning... how full of despair!

    your closing stanza was jjust a slap to the face, amazing Aust. just i keep saying that word over and over again, cause i cant find the suitable expression.. you are a poet by all means, and this is a poem by alllllllll definitions..
    I was fond of the usage of :
    forgetting how to breathe.. as if
    trying to fight to understand..what's going on.. i hope this is not a true story..:(

    five ofcourse five!!

  • 6 years ago

    by Sylvia

    As my mother use to say, this conjers up some powerful images for me. It is sad, strong, a sense loss, anger, plenty of emotions and feelings to go around. I can see a person delievering these words with a sense of superority, sneering at the person they are talking to. None of these makes sense I am sure but it is such mixture of emotion, it is difficult to describe. Well done.

  • 6 years ago

    by Cindy

    Austin
    What a sad and moving poem. It brings so much emotion to the mind with every word read.
    Excellent job!
    Love Cindy

  • 6 years ago

    by End Of Eternity

    This is so deep, so sad, so very well expressed.

    Death consumes the mind
    as fear decays what is left inside,
    binding footprints to leave behind
    not a memory but a graveyard.

    I just loved this stanza, outstanding write friend.

    all the best and take care

  • 6 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Death consumes the mind
    as fear decays what is left inside,

    This is such a strong opening to your poem. It
    sets the mood and the emotion of this poem!

    Looking up and seeing nothing,
    you have forgotten how to see and
    perhaps you have forgotten how to breathe
    for you lay there so quietly

    This stanza says it all..it buries a deep sense of loss and pain within the reader..all in all an excellent write.

  • 6 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Death consumes the mind
    as fear decays what is left inside,
    ^Take out 'the' before mind.. and I would say 'as fear decays what is left within' not inside.

    not a memory but a graveyard.
    ^Comma after memory, maybe?

    One last note is that I wasn't really feeling the repetition of 'The Requiem' at all. It does help with the flow in a way however, because if you did take it out.. there would be no flow whatsoever.. but then again I do feel like it disrupts what is there for some reason. Sorry, just wasn't a huge fan of it.

    You have an alright piece here though. I would so enjoy you coming up with some stronger metaphors and trying to weave them into your poems. You can't make a writer change their style however, so it's all up to you. I would definitely enjoy something with a little more creativity. But for what it is, you've done an okay job.