Comments : Do You Know Me?

  • 12 years ago

    by Colm

    I like the imagary of the book at the beginning, especially the line - 'I am the cover you've judged.' It says so much as people obviously think of the phrase dont judge a book by ts cover. It also tied in well with the title. I think possibly the poem might be too long, I think some of the descriptions are unnecessary and are a little disappointing in comparasion to the first one comparing yourself to the book. The ending is interesting but a little sudden; I might chnage the wording to something less coloquial, something like 'I am you in the passing of age.' Ok thats not great either but I hope you get what I mean? You could play around with the wording a little bit. IIt was an interesting write though, keep it up!
    Colm

  • 12 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    ^^ Very nicely critiqued! I agree with most of what you said too. The ending line could be better, but personally I feel a truly poetic line would take away from the inspirational part of "10 years". 10 years makes it sound more of a goal than any other phrase I can come up with. Also, that gives it more of a reality which increases the inspiration.

    (That's what I was aiming for lol)