Comments : Muddy pond

  • 12 years ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    I really liked Wat u did with this poem short but I found myself hooked

  • 12 years ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    I really liked Wat u did with this poem short but I found myself hooked

  • 12 years ago

    by Acoustic Odyssey

    You definitely hit home with this piece. I see someone who has broken down, and even after the tears are gone, the pain srill remains on their face. Great work!
    Take care

  • 12 years ago

    by Hallucinostic

    Really short, but every line is amazing, I really like this. You did very good here.

  • 12 years ago

    by Daisy if you do

    What a very nice concept and analogy of the poem. I love when a poem is short but it says everything that it needs to say and is not filled with so much stuff it makes in uncomprehendable. Awesome write.

    Thank you for the very nice comment on my poem as well.

    Take Care,
    Kay

  • 12 years ago

    by Sunshine

    This beautiful!
    I love the imagination, word choice anddd the
    expressions created!
    gave me good images, and good chills, and nice feelings ...all with a tint of sadnesss

    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Emmanuel Pineda

    Simple and powerful. I think you beat me.

  • 12 years ago

    by Emmanuel Pineda

    Simple and powerful. I think you beat me.

  • 12 years ago

    by DirtRoadGirl

    This was amazing, short and to the point but amazing all the same. Must say that I love it. 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    I really enjoyed this one. I like simple poems with powerful meaning and this is one of those. Love the imagery as well :] hope to see more from you soon. -Nik

  • 12 years ago

    by Faithless

    I love the quiet pond being used as a metaphor for the human feelings, once tampered it will stir a person's emotions. Short but brilliant concept.

  • 12 years ago

    by Robert Gardiner

    Very Nicely Done!!!

  • 12 years ago

    by Kiko

    This is very nice. You've created quite a melancholy scene.

    A couple of minor changes would be to change "similar to" to "like" and to lose the punctuation, which is not needed with this style poem.

    rain drops creating
    ripples in a quiet pond
    disfiguring mirrored images

    Like a lover's tears
    distorting emotions once
    thought stable and pure

  • 12 years ago

    by Kiko

    I meant this:

    Rain drops creating
    ripples in a quiet pond
    disfiguring mirrored images

    Like a lover's tears
    distorting emotions once
    thought stable and pure

  • 12 years ago

    by Narphangu

    I see what Kiko's saying, and I agree... but I think if you drop the punctuation, drop the capitalization, too. Otherwise it looks unfinished.

    I like the images you've created. One suggestion, though, is to change the the verb endings to:
    rain drops create
    ripples in a quiet pond
    disfiguring mirrored images

    just as a lover's tears
    distort emotions once
    thought stable and pure

    I think that would make it more powerful. And one other thing to think about: would "images" be better as "reflections"? I only mention it because I think it adds a deeper metaphor to the poem, and it would show a bit of "r" alliteration in the third line.
    Up to you, though. :)
    Nice piece.

  • 12 years ago

    by keithnwv

    I am not one to pick apart someones writing or give ideas on how to change things around. When I read something I just try to place myself in the scene and let it speak to me in that way. A very vivid picture came to me while reading this . Great job !

  • 12 years ago

    by Decayed

    Connie..

    This is so small.yet, vivid, steamy, fervent.. and HOT :)

    It was sad to read, but really beautiful.

    I like how can small verses affect us!

    FIVE

  • Does always seem that romance ends up in a snare... but I noticed you called it an emotional race at the end. The words that popped in my head directly after come from the song "Promiscuous Girl", You want in my world get lost in it, Boy, I'm tired of running. Let's walk for a minute.

    Perhaps if it it done right it should feel more like a romantic slow dance instead of a race. On the other hand, I could have missed the point :)