Comments : Moon Pride

  • 12 years ago

    by nouriguess

    Mhmd, this is so touching.
    I know exactly what you are talking 'bout, and I know how much pain, anger, passion and eagerness do you feel, this is straight from your heart, and one of my favorites written by you, nice job.

    Once upon a time the lonely moon shone on me
    Crying in tears of shooting stars
    ^^^

    why saying "shone on me" just say "crying on me in tears of shooting stars".....I found it awkward, a little bit, in this way.

    He spoke in saddened whispers of the love that took his glee
    To shine in someone else's lonely heart
    ^^^^
    I loved this sooo much, Mhmd you do have a very passionate heart...:)

    And he sings along a tune
    The wind hums silently
    ^^^^
    I would replace "the" with "that";)
    what an imagery! :)

    Once upon a time the lonely moon shone on me
    Pretending that he just doesn't care
    She has broke his heart, but she can never break his pride
    The pain will be just too much to bear
    ^^^
    pride and pain....are you sitting within my heart??
    I like the ending...I could feel a lot of misery and so much hope and pride as well, just one thing I disliked is the unneeded repetitions, just as "lonely", "pride"...you could replace these words with some strong metaphors...wouldn't it be better? ;)

    good job, a nice poem! five

  • 12 years ago

    by Meme

    This is the best you have ever written .. OMG! I never in a million years thought something like this poem could ever affect me that much .. It put tears in my eyes (and I hate that) but I loved it so very crazily much.

    A standing ovation and a nomination on this one 5/5 ..

  • 12 years ago

    by Sunshine

    A nomination as well as a 5/5

    and as another person who have been touched yet as a learner of this life, cant leave my comment without reminding you as I remind myself, that sometimes we are the ones who bring hurt to our heart then blame others just cause they did not satisfy our minds! No body can break you heart or your pride and I doubt anyone would want to, unless you allow them to, or perhaps--think that they did! Such passion for a she, can never be for someone who have hurt us...nopes, and I think the contradiction in ur emotions in this poem, proves my theory Right.

    well done again.

  • 12 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Wow! Mohamed, this poem is so beautiful and touched my heart! I LOVED the idea of the moon being sad and singing, and having emotions... such lovely personification. The first stanza really drew me in and it was my favorite stanza! Beautiful poem :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Orlando Murcia

    Well done

  • 12 years ago

    by Amreen

    Nice one....!beautifully written...:)I would love it if u read my poems as well and comment on it if u like it...