Mind boggling

Suspicion arouses my thoughts
curiosity tickles my nose
i am now smothered by my conscious
chocked by my own questions

no wonder the feelings
threaten to take my hope
yesterday i was asked how i felt
i told them i'd let them know when i can coupe

trying to deal with reality
yet the outlook for a brighter future
keeps me from going
keeps me from leaving the putrid

i once cried harder
than my eyes allows
the doctor made many recommendations
but how can you make your thoughts slow down?

im sinking deeper
into a misery ive never foreseen
because the anger has made me
sad instead of mean

who shall i blame
the person with the same name
holding the some shame
yet all non worthy blame?

or shall i point the finger to you
one who played me the fool
used my heart as a tool
then tossed it away so cruel

maybe i will rate those who
dwell in my past
the epitome of my
relationships and me don't last

i still believe in angels
that can not fly
i still believe in beings
that will not die

i have faith in God
yet i sin everyday
i have pains
which sometimes misdirect my way

i am a lover in the soul
yet crier in the night
reaching to be held
yet there is no end in sight

where is my sanity
find my place of mind
show me true love
i'm tired of being blind

im sick of these trials
im hurt of all lies
sick of trying to change perspectives
and putting on fake smiles

all i ever wanted was love
so far yet so full
all i ever asked for was love
so scared of being lonely

yet thats where i may belong
maybe i am just the inspiration
yet every other women
are the song

maybe i am just the friend
who is to be liked
but shown no love

maybe my soulmate
is the God above
or maybe my mind is withering away
maybe today is the last of the days

maybe or not
true or unreal
maybe its all my thoughts
or the facts of life