Comments : Serenade of a shattered soul

  • 6 years ago

    by Innocent Fairy

    This is really good. Sorry I don't have much to say cuz I'm super tired but I loved it :) 5/5

  • 6 years ago

    by Cinnamonspice

    I have found a new favorite poet, this was written with emotional overtones and sadness. You brought pain to life
    Excellent
    Connie

  • 6 years ago

    by mandy

    I really enjoyed this piece.

    "How can I ever put it together
    when an angel turns away
    a serenade from the soul
    like no other have I ever played
    in this lifetime for another"

    I especially enjoyed this verse, it's so very heartbreaking. 5/5

    mandy :)

  • 6 years ago

    by A lonely soul

    I truly appreciate all reader comments. It is so moving to see that many of you share my pain that this angel left me with. Love for a divine being is not without pains and twists for us mere mortals.

  • 6 years ago

    by Jenni

    The beginning stanza paints a vivid image about your emonotial situation. I like your word choice because it seems to underline your pain even more. The comparison was great, I really like the idea behind it. The fact that you're talking about an angel, who is the reason for all this pain, shows that there are always two sides at a coin. I'm sure that most people only relate good things when they think of an angel. The last stanza finished this poem perfectly. I enjoyed reading this heartfelt poem though I'd suggest you to add some commas here and there.

  • 6 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Wow! This is amazing, I love the imagery and all the words you used. Fantastic job

  • 6 years ago

    by Acoustic Odyssey

    A heart breaking story. Not having love returned when you lay down your heart and soul on a silver platter, is one of the worst feelings. Well penned.
    Take care

  • 6 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Okay let's cut the bla bla :P and talk seriously and with honesty as you requested about this poem.
    Well at least for me, 1st I will say what i did enjoy :
    I did enjoy the sadness, i did enjoy the lonesome, the passion and the yearning, the hidden emotions and vulnerability!

    I think you tossed over your heard, which is good, however if you do want my complete opinion then;

    My spirits are broken
    my soul shattered
    in a zillion pieces
    like stardust in the night sky
    ^
    i am not talking about form, or structure or anything jjust in a simple poem, its always better to either keep ur targets singular or plural, cause here ive senses contradiction, spirits yet one soul, when in the normal cases its the opposite, but does the reader NEEd to know that its broken ? or how it broke..or how bad it is broken ?

    How can I ever put it together
    when an angel turns away
    a serenade from the soul
    like no other have I ever played
    in this lifetime for another
    ^
    I am not refering to grammar at all, but you need to add some punctuation for just one reason, help the readers pause when needed like after away :)

    What have I done wrong
    what indeed to deserve
    such a chastisement
    a cold whipping
    to a warm beating heart
    stolen without permission
    ^
    very well worded, i love this stanza SO much and i really do relate to it!

    If friendship is a vice
    and love a crime
    then the heart
    is ready to abnegate
    the soul ready to be set free
    and my muse ready for a burial
    ^ a dash or comma after free would be very important as the ending is very impressive..well done

    just gave u my suggestions, u can nevermind me but 5/5 :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Sounds like the sole inspiration in your life left you with a sour taste of a relationship that has not understood each other..touching write.

  • 6 years ago

    by Autuumnbree

    Great poem, I don't understand why we blame ourselves or try to find a reason for losing in love. Good poem short but expresses so much.

  • 6 years ago

    by average thoughts

    Now this is an anothr sad poem..but it is penned so wel by d excellence of d poet..

    Saying abt being hurt and up to d core dat even soul alng wid d hrt has been shattered.
    And a ques ,wil i able to be love smone else nw?
    Coz d voice of heart has been stolen by u.
    And i love this line whr u said..'a cold whimping to a warm beating hrt'..
    And if fshp is bad and lv is crime..then it al happens..hrt abnegates and muse ready fr burial..
    Awesome write..my friend..

  • 6 years ago

    by Decayed

    I swear I was reading that while rapping it!

    Your words, and rhymes were very smooth, and I was moved with my thoughts being provoked.

    Amazing write.

  • 6 years ago

    by Ms Happiness

    WOW WOW AND ANOTHER WOW, I truely love this poem. In my opinion everythinh in this poem is perfect:)

    If friendship is a vice
    and love a crime
    then the heart
    is ready to abnegate
    the soul ready to be set free
    and my muse ready for a burial
    ^^^
    this is my fav stanza:)
    Ofc a 5/5 from me, I would like to give u more:)