Fire in the Darkest Season

by sibyllene   Aug 10, 2011


Curling ashes as soft
as feathers, aloft are
sent, waft hither, fro,
ghosts that go and
light aglow the trees
that branch, freeze, glisten
over seas of flushing snow.

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Burmese Climbing Poetry is a form comprised of a series of internal rhymes. Each line has four words*, the 4th of which sets the first rhyme. That rhyme is repeated in the 3rd word of the second line, and the 2nd of the 3rd. The 4th word in the 3rd line sets the new rhyme, to continue the 4, 3, 2 pattern.

Line 1: a b c D
Line 2: e f D h
Line 3: i D j K
Line 4: l m K n
Line 5: o K p Q
etc.

A verse often ends with a higher number of words.

*Traditionally, every line has 4 syllables. However, Burmese is a largely monosyllabic language, so I took that liberty for English.

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  • 12 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Sibs, just posting my review from the contest.

    ''I was impressed by the fact this poet used a poetry form, it's one that I haven't seen before and in all honesty it looks quite difficult. I loved how the writer used a subtle rhyme rather than something that was 'in your face' so to say. The imagery was indeed beautiful, interesting how this poem actually didn't use the word 'fire' or anything along them lines, apart from 'ashes,' it allowed the reader to comprehend the images for themselves and the only thing I have to add was that I felt the title was too revealing. I would of liked to have come to the concept of a fire myself. Combined with the archaic language the tone became lovely, calming and easing, much like a fire does when you view it. This had a great rhythm and when read out loud it was catchy which was different for a poem with such a concept. A lovely nature piece that could be interpreted in many ways.'' -Melpomene

  • 12 years ago

    by Sunshine

    Ok.. i meant to say, chills given by the images....

    and to say an outer-space-poem...

    but its 5:35 am..I am writing you comments, half asleep, but each time I finish reading a poem, you force me to read another...

  • 12 years ago

    by Sunshine

    MAN.....I think the way we read poetry differs, i cant agree with Mera luna this time, tho i understand her point of view, just dnt agree :(

    like I was forced ONLY to reread and reread cause i couldnt get enough from the chills the images here given me..like WOAW pal! this is just an outserspance poem..
    the form is very hard and u forced nothing not one rhyming word was out of place, ...a nature person who write naturally yet achieves unnatural inspirations and unbelievable depths!

    your ghosts.. gave me clouds..showed me winds..and somehow escaping breezes..
    and you......seas of flushing snow...
    gave me the most amazing image to dream about before i sleep..

    Spectacular.
    5/5.........

  • 12 years ago

    by Saerelune

    "I liked the way the title is a vague image, while the poem itself focuses on the details of this image. It's a clever way of taking advantage of a title, especially because this poetry form restricts the amount of words that you're allowed to use. The poem begins with an almost microscopic view, then it broadens and ends into the expansiveness of a sea. I liked this because the broadness of the zoomed-out ending is coherent with the broadness of the title. It's a pity that the ghosts and trees prevent this idea from going gradually. These two images disrupt the serenity of this piece. The reader is suddenly forced to focus on something compact or unnatural, just to be thrown back into the serenity of the seas and snow. The poet tried to say too much in such a short form. I found it difficult to rank this poem so low, since it follows the rules of the form perfectly, but the downside of following rules is that it restricts us."

    ^ I am truly sorry for being such a harsh critic in that contest, I hope I didn't offend you. :)