Comments : Liquefied Sadness

  • 6 years ago

    by Sungrl And Mrs Whatsit

    Poetry in motion and studded with jewels..

    ...on a more technical note;
    Perhaps you mean:

    unalloyed |ˌənəˈloid|
    adjective
    (of metal) not alloyed; pure : unalloyed copper.
    • (chiefly of emotions) complete and unreserved : i.e. unalloyed delight.
    (or, as you say: lonliness)
    ???
    and then again, perhaps not...
    just sayin'....'-)

    "washes off" (verse 3, line2)
    should, I think, be:
    'wash off'

    and...maybe a punctuation of your choice
    ar the end of verse 2?

    "...pouring light", indeed!

    Love from a California Gramma
    to a Deep Lebanese Soul..

  • 6 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "through the dazzle of my wounds"-

    This was a really neat write, something I wasn't entirely expecting...it just built up with all these memories that seem to be floating around, and you form these words so powerfully that it makes an impact. I even thought you didn't need some in a few stanzas because it was still full and your thoughts were that deep depression in the darkness of our souls.
    You write with so much integrity even etched in all of this loneliness that has no place, the flames of your heart will rise into fireworks! You wait for that day :)

    and I will read this again, please stay sunny and keep writing dear poet, thank you for sharing such emotions....

    MaryAnne

  • 6 years ago

    by Decayed

    Through my unaligned loneliness tonight
    a liquefied falling moon will fill up my
    empty glass, and challenge the flavor
    to drop the cutting soreness.

    ^ An amazing way to begin with a preposition. A method I so like :)
    ^ The word unaligned is amazing. It makes the opening so deep and quite descriptive.

    + I suggest an insertion of a comma after tonight

    ^ A liquefied falling moon will fill up my glass tonight: WHAT AN IMAGE!!! It's awesome

    + Remove the comma in the third verse

    --------Assembled images at the end of my mind
    wash off the sharp taste with a sharper
    one, flipping the pages of those deserted
    years that have passed but unable to end
    As I recall them whenever a midnight is
    on the verge of sailing off...
    ------------------------
    ^ Definitely my favorite!! .
    + Insert a dot after 'unable to end'

    I Adore the ending.. It was empowering and strong.

    There are some magnificent images pertaining to the night.. the darkness, and yet, its serenity..
    The night's beauty itself is just a remedy for the mind and soul tired of life..

    Well done giving abstraction to this description. The wording was awesome, as well. I couldn't love this piece more :)

    5/5.. Definitely worth a nomination, but I've badly run out from the 3 this week!!

  • 6 years ago

    by Decayed

    + Insert a dot after 'unable to end'

    NOOOO :p LOL

    ** Don't capitalize As after 'unable to end'..

    I forgot.. The title is WILLLDDD :D

  • 6 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT DOING THIS..TO ME..COULDN'T YOU HAVE TOLD ME..HEY I HAVE A NEW POEM IT IS EXTREMELY HEARTBREAKING,HEARTFELT,SOULFUL,SAD (VERY SAD) IT WILL MAKE YOU CRY SO YOU BETTER HAVE TISSUES? WHY DONT YOU PREPARE ME EMOTIONALLY FOR YOU POETRY RANIA? WHY??!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

    I CAN'T TAKE THIS...
    AND NOW I DON'T ONLY WANNA SAY THE F WPRD I WANNA SAY EVERY SINGLE CURSE I KNOW...
    BUT INSTEAD..I'LL JUST GO FOR 'HOLY COW'
    WHAT IS THIS....

    -calms down-

    Okay!
    let me start by saying that i pictured the moon dripping from the sky and someone catching it in a cup.... i mean liquid..moon?...isnt the moon a solid rock?
    how do you even come up with these things...

    this poem was indeed,neat! (oh that rhymed:p)

    you have expressed your sadness so beautifully i will come back and read this a million times and comment a million times again...
    i swear to god..

    i don't have any nominations left but this is a winner,no matter what people say this is a winner oke...

    what the heck,no winner a champion...

    ultimate perfection..

    gosh,,

    never have i seen,a sadness so beautiful.

  • 6 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    Never had the chance to comment on this but wow.... what a masterpiece, you know how much I loved it.
    The liquiefied falling moon line stayed within my brain for hours, your imagination and your words are thought-provoking.

    Just one little thing:

    "inflicting it through my lips[,] with each"

    ^^^
    just correct this, Nana. The comma. :)

    -The flow was well-done, and the ending just wonderfully caught my emotions.
    I bet this will win, this week, I bet you.
    And if it doesn't win, then the system is all wrong. :P Good write.

  • 6 years ago

    by Innocent Fairy

    Through my unaligned loneliness
    tonight I wish my glass is filled up with
    pouring light to unseal the chains around
    my soul, for I have lost my silvery moon
    through the dazzle of my wounds, and the
    flames in my heart that barely raise still
    this flowing sky...
    Is my favorite part of the poem :)