Comments : In A World of Lust

  • 6 years ago

    by Jenni

    I think that this is a quite well written poem, which flows good too. I'd recommend you to insert some commas here and there still though so the flow gets even better. I liked the detailed description because it helps the readers imagination and I think that the emotions are really powerful.

  • 6 years ago

    by L

    "Only because he lived in a world of lust.
    And everything he had got rust,
    Everything he once enjoyed ALL ( delete) got lost,
    Just because he lived in a World of Lust!"

    I think if you take the All it would sound better since you already had everything.

    Good poem.

  • 6 years ago

    by Kips

    Thanks for that suggestion. I'll edit it now.

  • 6 years ago

    by Lizza Tiedemann

    Yeah i like it how it goes with the flow....very nice written piece
    5/5

  • 6 years ago

    by Kips

    Ok Lizza!

  • 6 years ago

    by Liliana

    The emotions and flow were quite good in this one

  • 6 years ago

    by Kips

    Thanks

  • 5 years ago

    by Xanthe

    As usual, I like the message. But I didn't think the capitalisation in some parts of the beginning worked, it somehow disrupted the flow. And the subtle rhyming in the end quite frankly ruined it for me. But seeing as this was written about a year ago,I can really see the big improvement. Typo on losing by the way. Still a great read though. Keep it up :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Kips

    Thanks

  • 2 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    A great poem, love the message in here.