Where does your sky start?

by Jenni   Sep 7, 2011


I'm walking this road,
that may lead me
to what I aim for, but
obstacles keep appearing.
They encourage me
not to give up.

What does the sky look like,
that is now above you?
Where the sun shines down
on you, guiding us.
Where does your sky start
and where does it stop?

You made me learn
to ladle strength, out of
things that my heart sees.
The thrill that titillates me
whenever you are there.

Where does your sky start
and where does it stop?
If it reaches far enough
does the ocean between us
even matter?

Without you my road
seems vague..
and if you listen carefully
you may hear it beating
ceaseless.

If it reaches far enough
does the ocean between us
even matter?
Take my hand and walk
- with me -.

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  • Firstly, the title - WOW! Perfect as it is. It really draws the reader in.

    I'm walking this road,
    that may lead me
    to what I aim for, but
    obstacles keep appearing.
    They encourage me
    not to give up.

    ^^A very nice opening stanza. I must say it takes a strong person who is either determined or stubborn to feel encouraged by obstacles. Some give up, unfortunately. Already a positive outlook.

    What does the sky look like,
    that is now above you?
    Where the sun shines down
    on you, guiding us.
    Where does your sky start
    and where does it stop?

    ^^This is very thought provoking, isn't it? Really makes you think where the sky begins and ends. Well it did me, anyway. With a recent written assignment (I'm a student) I chose to describe the sky - what it looks like to me - and it's such a beautiful piece of scenery, forever-changing.

    You made me learn
    to ladle strength, out of
    things that my heart sees.
    The thrill that titillates me
    whenever you are there.

    ^^ This is such a beautiful stanza! I cannot possibly say more.

    Where does your sky start
    and where does it stop?
    If it reaches far enough
    does the ocean between us
    even matter?

    ^^'does the ocean between us matter?' an intriguing question. This is a love poem after all, so I think not. Love is boundless, and can is forever if you have found the right person.

    Without you my road
    seems vague..
    and if you listen carefully
    you may hear it beating
    ceaseless.

    ^^ In this it sounds like issues are being raised about the distance that separates you being a curse - the downfall of your love for each other. That you will not survive it. But so far, the rest of the poem seems to suggest a positive view of it, like it will strengthen your love for each other more because of this separation. But doubt is always there... if we only look hard enough.

    If it reaches far enough
    does the ocean between us
    even matter?
    Take my hand and walk
    - with me -.

    ^^This ending - I have mixed feelings. In one way I feel it's perfect. The other: I feel it's incomplete. I'm not sure I can even explain these feelings, but...
    I think I love it because of it's simplicity - it's rather beautiful.
    I think I feel it's incomplete because it raises more questions:

    If you are separated by ocean, how can you walk together? (very naive and basic perhaps)

    What does this walk mean for you, for him? The end or simply just last moments together?

    OVERALL;
    I really rather enjoyed the piece.
    Personally, I would've opted for

    Where does your sky start
    and where does it "END"?

    instead of "STOP" that is. I feel it flows better. But, your choice. I suppose 'stop' has a greater feeling of finality to it, though they both have similar definitions.

    I really liked how you chose to present this positively, but also sneaked in your doubts towards the end. It was clever.

    A beautiful piece. 5/5

  • 6 years ago

    by Shifzy

    I loved the lines,

    "You made me learn
    to ladle strength, out of
    things that my heart sees.
    The thrill that titillates me
    whenever you are there."

    excellent one :)
    5 on 5 :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Amy

    Your a really good writer... Keep doing what your doing! Very kind poem

  • 6 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    Jenni! My face hurts I smiled so much after reading two or three times :-)) I really love the flow of this piece made me think alot about where my own sky starts....and after thinking about it......it starts wherever I want it to..epic write love it 5/5 all day long xx

  • 6 years ago

    by Girl of Conviction

    Awww very good :] great writing!