Price Tag

by The Queen   Sep 9, 2011


I should have known:
the sun does shine
at night like
brightly-colored
hanging
lamps,

-aroused-

were his qualms
while choking,
on his own
alibis.

He would often slip
between the pages of
n i g h t s and sigh-lence

writing history between
her breasts...
tracing road
maps of her freckles...

-a blown-up doll-

clad in decaying splendour
peeking through the gaps
in our lives

Now tell me, dearest,
how much more love
can you buy

with a half dime?

[Price Tag by Jessie J]

**Written for FOP's Contest

Copyright (C) 2011 by EvanescentMoon

13


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Latest Comments

  • 7 years ago

    by Saerelune

    "I should have known:
    the sun does shine
    at night like
    brightly-colored
    hanging
    lamps,"
    ^ I truly have to ponder about these lines, when you say the sun does shine at night, are you talking about the moon here, perhaps? Or perhaps an artificial sun, something like hanging lamps. But that wouldn't make any sense.
    As much as I love the idea of hanging lamps, and having arranged your lines according the shape of "hanging" (quite down), you are being very vague here. I am not really sure whether this image is meant as something negative or positive. "I should have known" says it's negative, but bright/sun makes it all positive.

    "were his qualms
    while choking,
    on his own
    alibis."
    ^ See, now this is some clear darkness.

    "He would often slip
    between the pages of
    n i g h t s and sigh-lence"
    ^ Everyone has pointed this out already, and I am going to do this too: I loved it. Wordplay is something new you've been doing in your poetry, and you did a nice job here. The distance between "nights" makes me think that you're also playing with the word "nigh".

    "writing history between
    her breasts...
    tracing road
    maps of her freckles... "
    ^ That's a very poetic way of describing sensual acts, while slowing down the pace with these ellipses.

    I thought that the ending of this poem fit very well with the rest, it's surprising how you could incorporate the title in such a flawless way. The only issue is on the first stanza, I think, since I still can't figure out what the purpose of that stanza is.

  • 7 years ago

    by vip

    Lovely poem!

  • 7 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    Congrats congrats connnnngratssss!!! :D

  • 7 years ago

    by Decayed

    Congrats:)

  • 7 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    VERY WELL DESERVED...XOXO