Comments : Win Or Lose

  • 12 years ago

    by average thoughts

    Ya players are helpless in this game ,only destiny rules..5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Boy

    Its good idea to write a poem about a game... it shows that u can put anything into your poetry.
    nice idea to write that stuff.. 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Faithless Watermelon

    While the message is clear, powerful and the wordplay is witty, I think the format takes a lot out of this one. I'd be willing to bet that if you wrote this out in prose it would be stunning. My brain has a hard time following a single thought that's chopped up into 4 little lines. I personally don't really write in stanzas if it doesn't rhyme consistently, but that's more from my own obsession than anything else :P

    "The challenge becomes more complex
    which leaves the players more puzzled."

    I both love and hate these lines. I think the first one would have been okay if the one that followed didn't use the same word as the second-to-last word in your line. For me it seems to make it a little blunt. I'd use something like 'grows convoluted' for the first one, because the word 'grow' puts in the readers' minds the idea of progression without spelling it out, and convoluted is just a fancier word, though I guess to contradict myself it does seem to have too many syllables for this context :P

    On further thought, I realize that it bothers me because it's really one idea progressing through two lines, and the use of the same vocabulary detracts from the progress of the thought. Without destroying it, for sure, but that's my take on it.

    Overall pretty good though

  • 12 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    I agree with the above, the poem was excellent if not for that one line, change the wording so it's not repetitive and it will be brilliant ..as always :-)

  • 12 years ago

    by Kips2.0

    Frist, I would love to comment on your organization and punctuations. It is in good format. The way you moved from one stanza to the other was very well organized. I had no problem following through and I definitely wanted to know what you were driving at.

    " The end result could be victorious
    or possibly a dreadful disaster."

    I think instead of disaster in the second line, you should have used an opposite of 'victorious'. There is no problem using a word as simple as 'lost' or maybe a synonym.

    BUt overall good job. I will give you a 5/5