The days were early
for the chaos it seized,
and though waking up
felt like riding an old train
that needs construction,
but still I "unnoticed" the
blast of noise and confusion
around me.
^^
like an old train, loved this metaphor, really gave this verse an extra meaning.

Trying to reach you, I lost
a penny each single day
on the road, however
not that I cared about
the money I've lost but
I still wonder how I've
reached poverty that soon.
^^
this is my fav verse for sure, losing a penny each day just means that you never made it to see him, its sooooo deep the way you said it.

I festered in the sun, lost
on daily basis unable to
reach the unknown,
though all the places I've
passed by were anonymous.
^^
like walking in circles in the middle of nowhere.

Now laying here deprived
on the streets that I can
doubtlessly call home, I search
for the last coinage, questioning
if you'd ever understand the
meaning in my poetry,
the pain I cannot defeat...
because I have nothing left
now, except for the road.
^^
surrendering everything, giving up in going on, amazing image.

And that man standing
on the corner, holding
a coin of hope between
his fingers.
^^
a coin of hope !! OOOOOOMMMMMMGGGGGG !!
You killed me with these lines, now you only see hope with every person holding a coi, like you have no more coins which means no more hope.

Nana, I am in love with this masterpiece, you captivated all of my senses in this one.

Nomination that is well deserved...

I will applaud for you for this one, and thank MEME for clarifying the last idea :)

She made me fathom the poem more and more.. and well, this surprised me.

"You killed me with these lines, now you only see hope with every person holding a coi, like you have no more coins which means no more hope."

^ Surely amazing..

Nana, this is amazing. It's like a song called: The Man Who Can't Be Moved, by: 'The Script' .. It has so much depth and meaning, just like yours.

:)

LOVE ID, in every aspect, metaphorically and wording-wise :)

Wait..

It's like: Hensel & Grettel inn here.... Did you mean that ? :D Please say yes!!

Trying to reach you, I lost
a penny each single day
on the road, however
not that I cared about
the money I've lost but
I still wonder how I've
reached poverty that soon.

"but still I "unnoticed" the"

This is the only piece of the poem I didn't care for. This was a hard part to read smoothly. The rest of it was such an easy read with great flow, but I tripped over this. Maybe even the "'s you put around unnoticed made it difficult, mostly because I'm wondering the purpose behind them around the word?

The rest of the poem like I said had amazing flow. I like that you put this in life rather than in sadness. It's a true tale of a typical journey. I love the thought of leaving things behind little at a time, to look around and wonder how it happened so quickly? It's so true, too, we often leave pieces of ourselves for others and then wonder why we feel the way we do, so lonely?

Love, love, love this poem. Very wise and mature, very sad but also strong.

"The days were early
for the chaos it seized,"

^^^ I was confused by the first two lines, but the simile of a noisy, rickety train for the confusion of your life was well done.

"I lost
a penny each single day
on the road, ...
wonder how I've
reached poverty that soon."

^^^ The second stanza is golden. It presents a paradox that seemingly insignificant sacrifices mount to the point that you are devastated by them in the long run.

"lost
on daily basis unable to
reach the unknown,
though all the places I've
passed by were anonymous."

^^^ This part is strong for the sense of losing your sense of emotional direction.

"Now laying here deprived
on the streets that I can
doubtlessly call home,"

^^^ Great return to the feeling of (emotional) poverty

"I search
for the last coinage, questioning
if you'd ever understand the
meaning in my poetry,"

^^^ So here you have the sine qua non of your relationships: you are willing to endure anything, so long as you are understood.

" I have nothing left
now, except for the road.

And that man standing
on the corner, holding
a coin of hope between
his fingers."

^^^ Good final image, leaves the reader guessing. Is that man friend or foe? Does he hold the promise of restoring your fortune, or cheating you further?

Sometimes I really do wonder where you get your imagination from, how you described the state in which you wake up, yet not aware of anything other than what is on your mind,
it takes a talented poet to rap it up like you did, brilliant.

drooping a penny each day while searching for them till you reached poverty illustrates that you've been searching for too long, again, the way you mentioned it dazzled me,
never in my life would I thought of it the way you did

a very defiant tone throughout the next santanza, very well described also

and the last santanza, is what really hit home for me, You've finished the poem on an indeterminate note, allowing my mind to venture into many different posibilties and senarios , is this man a friend? or the guy who
you've been searching for all along, or the bad guy.

again you've managed to inspire me through a very cleaver, very passionate read and for that i think
5/5, nomination, and a well deserved winning poem,
hopefully.

I'd have to agree with Britt with the 'unnoticed' part in the first stanza. Why not use 'overlooked' or something?

I still wonder how I've
reached poverty that soon.

^Shouldn't I've be I'd?

I festered in the sun, lost
on daily basis unable to
reach the unknown,
^I found this to be contradictory, like a paradox. Being lost to reach the unknown, which isn't even known. Lovely wording, miss!

You wrote with tons and tons of emotion, I absolutely loved it. I love the usage of penny obviously because it means good luck when you find one heads up, so it wouldn't make much sense to use another kind of coin.

And that man standing
on the corner, holding
a coin of hope between
his fingers.
^This is a beautiful ending. Though there's pain and such, it's good to find hope in certain situations. I almost found this to be like your current situation, the man being the guy you've met and have been seeing, and how he brought you luck and hope to love again, if I'm not mistaken? It's almost as if you no longer are lost at the end and reach that destination that is 'unknown', and it seems as though he's been there all along, but went unnoticed along with the coin, like you said in your first stanza. Perhaps this is because of those uncertainties you've had and your past which has caused this pain. This poem brings me back to all your other poems that are just as beautiful and emotional.

Wonderful job, (:

UGH...
I CAN'T EVEN.

the thing that got to me the most...honestly was the ending..Rania..you always have such powerful endings..Its like your trademark....

"oh,amazing ending" yep..Rania's poetry ;)

you always find a way to involve hard life lessons in your poetry,
I've noticed..you seem so wise..you are so full of truth and sincerity..

You have a curious little mind don't you? ah..
you have such knowledge about life and everything...I can tell you have suffered through life,but thats why I love you..because it has only made you kinder..

What A beautiful beautiful heart grasping write lovie!

although the "unnoticed" was weird indeed,
the rest of the piece was so magical It didn't even matter...

MWA<3

MY DEAR FRIEND,

Indeed this poem is the classic poem. and says alot of things. i like the idea its good. the flow was so good. very first stanza caught my attention.

my fav stanza is

Trying to reach you, I lost
a penny each single day
on the road, however
not that I cared about
the money I've lost but
I still wonder how I've
reached poverty that soon.

its the best stanza i really loved the poem.. specially first two lines of this stanza and last line.. alot. please keep it up good work always.. you have a great talent. GOD GIVE YOU. take care.

and simply love your writing because i do like your poetry too. :)

This is the first poem I am reading on the website, and it has blown me away! I am not much of a writer, but this piece just blew me away! Its great to see amazing talent in flow here! Thumbs up!

This is a beautiful piece, well written and very descriptive. I love it because although you can read the meaining in it, it is vague enough to take on new meaning for different readers.

The days were early
for the chaos it seized,
and though waking up
felt like riding an old train
that needs construction,
but still I "unnoticed" the
blast of noise and confusion
around me.

^^^

You need to change the word ''it' in the second line to 'they' because you say days in line one which is plural.

Trying to reach you, I lost
a penny each single day
on the road, however
not that I cared about
the money I've lost but
I still wonder how I've
reached poverty that soon.

^^^^

I think you should chop Í've lost'in line five. It's not really necessary and, you have used I lost in line one.

I festered in the sun, lost
on daily basis unable to
reach the unknown,
though all the places I've
passed by were anonymous.

^^^

Once again..lost is not necessary in line one I feel, I think by removing it it will add strength to the word festered.

Now laying here deprived
on the streets that I can
doubtlessly call home, I search
for the last coinage, questioning
if you'd ever understand the
meaning in my poetry,
the pain I cannot defeat...
because I have nothing left
now, except for the road.

And that man standing
on the corner, holding
a coin of hope between
his fingers.

I'm not sure if these last two stanzas are a continuation but, as you have a period after road I think not. The last stanza had me guessing...is this person someone you have been searching for throughout the verse or is he a sort of saviour figure?

A very intriguing poem from you as always and....these are just small suggestions for you to consider.

"..a coin of hope between his fingers.."

a most poetically picturesque phrase..thanks for sharing this with us, ms sunshine.

Sincerely,
Rom

Reading this again gives me goosebumps

SO inspiring! and full of hope.

god bles su