Evanescent.

by Blissful   Nov 3, 2011


Clustered in the corner of rusty window panes
was a butterfly.

fascinated by the majestic charm,
she tip-toed to catch a closer
Look! it fluttered away...

Losing sight of its fragile figure,
she sulks,
"I'll name it love," she thought
for it is forever fleeting,
yet always treasured.

As she wove cobwebs into her braids,
love danced a melody
in her eyes.

1


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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by John Dlyan Boone BABY

    Love the way it was worded awesomeness

  • 12 years ago

    by Decayed

    'to catch a closer
    Look!'

    ^ I love the play here.

    And the res was amazingly written with those powerful, mind-provoking images.

  • 12 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Woops! To continue on another thought of the lines that were at the bottom of my above post..

    I thought it was clever how you used the exclamation point, as if the sentence could be read two ways instead of one. Never seen that done before, it's quite different.

  • 12 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Clustered in the corner of rusty window panes
    was a butterfly.

    ^I feel this could be a stronger beginning if you used the 'show' method of writing instead of 'telling' I think you could really make this a lot more creative. I can imagine this sight quite well, however, not til I've read the entire poem. Perhaps the cobwebs look like a translucent curtain or something, maybe they are hanging like a wind chime or something beautiful above this butterfly. You could connect the sound a wind chime makes to how a butterfly flees yet is always treasured, and then to how it is a symbol of love. I do feel 'cobwebs' at the end should hold a bit more beauty, unless I'm skipping over a very important message in your poem.

    This poem was lovely, just questioned a few things. It read like a little story yet was still poetic in a sense. Title connects perfectly! Great usage of alliteration also throughout.

    So happy to see you writing again. (:

    fascinated by the majestic charm,
    she tip-toed to catch a closer
    Look! it fluttered away...

  • 12 years ago

    by Innocent Fairy

    Wow amazing,beautiful wonderful lovely and greatly worded and written I love love loved it a fantastic magnificent job a very delightful read :) 5/5 all of it was my favorite and vivid :)

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