I guess you have some potential, flower. You were trying to portray some metaphors that I personally liked. I grasped something yet I just am not sure if it is what you meant, that is not a bad thing, I love it when the poem has many meanings but....something I really disliked here, your words are kind of too direct like "When I first had the pleasure
of meeting your kindred spirit" that didn't give me the space to ponder what that thing you were talking about is...I actually think it is someone you love, or have a crush on, but since this poem was put under the life section, I'd guess it is about life? fate? yet I'd love if your opening was a bit less direct, I don't know if that makes sense, just for me, some mystery, not too much of it would really help.
"It didn't matter how hard you tried to conceal it"
- This line for me wasn't really necessary, the next line would say it all, so....I don't know, maybe just drop it? so, it won't be as a 'filler'? you decide.
The fake flowers of April,
could not hide the blizzards of December.
I loved that you put april as a symbol of something faked, I loved this, because April = spring, spring has a changable weather, so made much sense to me, actually.....personally? April means something really sad and pathetic, some personal stuff so, I was a big fan of this line.
As your russet eyes gazed down in mine,
I witnessed a battle of anguish, of despair,
behind your unshed tears.
mystery? betrayal? deceit?? secretssss?
In those moments you
would paint on a smile
and pretend everything was all right.
too direct, TOO directttttt. =/ the last line wasn't needed at all. 'paint a smile' is enough to let me know that this smile wasn't natural.
* well, actually some repetitions were off to me, maybe it's just me, the fake flowers of April and the blizzards of December were nice till you repeated awkward I guess.
now, for the rest of the poem, I had no problem...was well-written. ;)
I liked this one a great deal, it is very ambiguous so bare with me in my analysis and comments.
My thoughts are a bit contradicting to ThePoetess' ones.
I feel that this is more of a love poem than a life poem, however, if your main message is that life changes who we are, and we might start to love someone we didn't at first, then I totally see your point in it being under life.
I like the start, and where ThePoetess saw it as too descriptive, I kinda see it as needed, for my interpretation of it is that you were "introduced" to a friend's (lover's?) girlfriend, but said friend didn't really like her. Indeed, he had to "paint on a smile" in his life.
Where ThePoetess thought that the repetition at the end was unnecessary, I see it as completely necessary and really changes the poem, and brings it into the life section. To me, it explained how now when he sees her, he does not have to pain on a smile, he actually loves her.
In this poem I see blizzards of December as the obvious antagonist and metaphor for something bad, whilst I see april (flowers start blossoming, etc) as a metaphor for something good.
A great piece, and the only part I didn't like was the very very end. I feel as if the final line should've rhymed as well, since the one before that one did. 4/5